Paranoia

Josh left this morning for the week. When he goes on trips this long and that far away (AZ this time), I check and recheck and triple check to make sure I haven't locked us out of the house, or locked my keys in the car, or forgotten my cell phone while we run an errand. I check the gas gauge a lot more too. Something about knowing he isn't within reach to help if we needed it just puts me ill at ease.

I took the kids to Noah's allergy shot visit this morning. While we waited the required 20 minutes before we left, a hefty, scruffy, older man in a big black leather jacket came into the office and looked around in an uncertain manner...like he wasn't sure what he was going to do next. Why? Why? Why must my gut reaction be to chant in my head, "Please don't pull out a gun. Please don't pull out a gun."

As I get us 3 to the car in the parking garage, I turn it on to warm it up (it is STILL below freezing here) and go around the other side to buckle Anna in. On my way around the car I am scoping out anything and everything that moves (or not) to make sure that no one is going to jump out and steal my car with my babies in it.

I read an article the other day that said we shouldn't leave the Brinks Alarm System sign in front of our house because it only helps thieves know better what alarm system to deactivate. How scary is that?

I am always, always on high alert when I get a phone call when Noah is at school. I am so on edge that he'll come in contact with peanuts one way or another.

These are just some of the ways I feel weighed down on a daily basis keeping an eye out or just plain fearing what might could happen. And that's not even mentioning all the broken bones and busted out teeth I worry might happen every time Noah or Anna stumble, or play on the couch too close to the edge, or run too fast.

Sigh.

I dread the kids getting sick too. I probably make them use sanitizer way to often. Same goes for me. When I have been anywhere public, I can't relax until I have cleaned my hands. Just thinking about all the possible sick germs out there makes me tense right now.

Sigh.