Help Me to Sing Hallelujah

I'm in a mood about the adoption that causes me to want to be quiet. Except for how I keep singing this song - it's stuck in my head. It's just as well. I have no other words apt or worthy enough to offer anyway.

Yesterday, we closed the two inquiries we had open still (not that we think there would have been any forward movement with either of the girls) and, for all intents and purposes, have decided to stop seeking after this adoption, except that we'll leave our file active with our adoption agency until it just expires on its own in the not so distant future. It's gonna take me a little while to shift gears in my heart and to not dwell on this in my mind. It takes concentrated effort to not feel frustrated and disillusioned, to not feel foolish for mistaking my timing for the Lord's, and to not feel the need to save face and know why this did not end like we envisioned it would. I just have to bend my will, not question God's, and also not try to protect my pride in the inbetween. That's all.

So when I heard this song yesterday, it felt like the perfect anthem for where we are (or are not, as the case may be) with an adoption, for what I feel now, and for what I am doing in response - learning to be ok with it, even though it doesn't feel ok. I choose what this song says, which is to beg the Lord to help me sing Hallelujah regardless of what's in front of me. And I find, thankfully, that it is not so hard to do at all.

Hallelujah by Bethany Dillon

Who can hold the stars
And my weary heart?
Who can see everything?

I've fallen so hard
Sometimes I feel so far
But not beyond your reach

I could climb a mountain
Swim the ocean
Or do anything

But it's when you hold me
That I start unfolding
And all I can say is

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

The same sun that
Rises over castles
And welcomes the day

Spills over buildings
Into the streets
Where orphans play

And only you can see the good
In broken things
You took my heart of stone
And you made it home
And set this prisoner free

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

Va Va Vacuum?

Where, oh, where did my life go? It's a sad, sad thing to take note of the fact that the first picture I have been in in months sports me .... and a vacuum. If that's doesn't scream glamour, excitement, and a compelling social life, I don't know what does.


But then, I decide again that I do have a life. It goes where my heart is. And my heart belongs to the little helper on my left, her big brother (who was glued to his video games at that moment), and their daddy, whom I would be lost without. My heart screams joy, love, grins, and giggles.

It's not a glamorous life tending to preschoolers and home, yet still my heart sighs with satisfaction. You'll get no complaints out of me. Except in jest. Cuz if you haven't got sarcasm and a sense of humor, what have you got?

Just a vacuum, I guess.

Three Cheers

Three Cheers for me for actually remembering to put Noah in his chapel uniform today!

Isn't he handsome? Staring off to the sky, lost in thought, hands tucked casually in his pockets, minus the cheesy perky grin he usually affords me. The clothes must come complete with a "deep thinker" persona.


Here's my other deep thinker.

Noah's Newest

The latest on my Noah:

He's learned the Pledge of Allegiance, an Indian Child poem, and a bunch of new songs that include My Country 'Tis of Thee, Jesus Love the Little Children, The Lord's Army, and King of the Jungle. He sings, recites, and sings, and recites all the live long day. Also, his teacher came to visit before the weekend got here and it was funny to see how Noah responded to having school authority and home authority in the same place. Worlds were definitely colliding and he was totally amped up the entire visit.

He's watched a couple episodes of Star Wars for the first time now. He's really excited by the movies and only a little anxious - ok, a lot, but good anxious, thrilling and fun anxious. He's finally convinced that Yoda is not a bad guy - it took awhile for him to accept that - that something so ugly was not necessarily bad.

He's got his Halloween costume all lined up - a pirate. We got it this weekend. The funny thing is the sword that came with it is now used as a light sabre instead. Maybe we should've gotten him a Yoda costume.

So his season of karate has come and gone (we technically bailed on it last month) and now we are on to a new activity. Yesterday he got signed up for Upwards Soccer. He changed his mind about it 4 times before we ignored him completely and signed him up anyway. We grinned silly, smitten mommy/daddy grins watching him participate in his soccer evaluation. He listened so well and ran so hard. We'll do the soccer thing as long he digs it. We'll snap pictures like crazy, too, because if his interest is anything like his daddy's mood about it right now, our soccer season won't even last as long as the karate did.

Rescue Heroes. I had never seen or heard of these guys before I bought a few for real cheap at the consignment sale because they looked colorful and masculine. They were an instant hit with Noah. If he's not playing video games, you can be sure he's got 4 Rescue Heroes in his hand. He keeps asking me to play and I am just so bad at that sort of play. He wants me to be the bad guy all the time. And I never know what to make my guy say. He has to coach me to keep my attention in their dialogue and cavorting. He even tells me how to move their arms around and models how I should flip them. Alas, I stink at it. My guilt builds daily over this new toy obsession and how pitiful a showing I am making at playing with my boy. Thankfully, Josh is a good sport at playing Rescue Heroes and he plays it attentively with him.

I did, however, build his Heroes a slammin' parking garage to stand guard over. That turned out to be an acceptable substitute, so that's got to count for something.

Rolling off my Tongue

The latest installment of words I enjoyed reading and saying and repeating just because I like they way sounded.

• gallant
• dissimilar
• reverie
• slippage
• elaborate
• ostrich
• motley
• inimitable
• arpeggios
• sheepherder
• shepherd
• fracas
• fillip
• commend
• grievous
• dissuade
• disorderly
• aramaic
• troublesome
• relinquish
• beset
• blithe

Amens: Ecclesiastes

My faves from The Message translation of Ecclesiastes.

• Ecclesiastes 5:2,3 - The less you speak, the better ... Overtalk shows you up as a fool. (in NKJV - Therefore let you words be few. ... And a fool's voice is known by his many words.)
• Ecclesiastes 5:19 - Yes, we should make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what's given and delighting in the work. It's God's gift! God deals out joy in the present, the now.
• Ecclesiastes 7:14 - On a good day, enjoy yourself; On a bad day, examine your conscience. God arranges for both kinds of days So that we won't take anything for granted.
• Ecclesiastes 8:1 - Wisdom puts light in the eyes, And gives gentleness to words and manners.
• Ecclesiastes 10:4 - A calm disposition quiets intemperate rage.
• Ecclesiastes 11:7,8 - Oh, how sweet the light of day, And how wonderful to live in the sunshine! Even if you live a long time, don't take a single day for granted. Take delight in each light-filled hour, Remembering that there will also be many dark days And that most of what to come is smoke.

Amens: Mark

From The Message translation.

• Mark 14:38 - Part of you is eager, ready for anything in God; but another part is as lazy as an old dog sleeping by the fire.

I Don't Do Mornings

Proof that I don't do mornings well. The situation is only made worse by the fact that now I (and the kids, of course) have to be up, packed, presentable, and out of the house by 7:45.

1. Noah was already sent to time-out within 15 minutes of waking up today.
2. Anna had to settle for the second half of Noah's banana that I fished out of the trash.
3. I do my make-up at the kitchen counter now.
4. Noah's shirt got wet down the front from his tooth-brushing (which he insists on doing by himself) and I refused to go upstairs to replace it. I'd warned him. We just trusted it'd be dry before we got there.
5. On the way to school, Noah piped up, "Mommy, guess what I got? Bananas in my nose."
   
6. The first thing out of Noah's mouth when he got to his classroom, "Guess what, Mrs. Cindy? I got bananas in my nose."
   
7. At his school, I got the kids out of the car, walked Noah to his class, chatted with his teacher a moment, and mozied back out with Anna. It was THEN that I realized the back door of the car had been hanging wide open all along ... and had been taking up another parking spot no less! How embarrassing. In my defense, Noah left it open. Letting a 4 year-old climb out of the car all by himself is just plain hazardous.
8. It is 10:15 right now and I STILL have not had breakfast. Been to Noah's school, Wal-Mart, Anna's MDO, snapped some pictures, gotten the mail, fed the fish, put up groceries, hunted down a receipt for a return, put away the trash cans, and blogged. But I have NOT fed myself yet.
   
9. Yesterday I forgot to dress Noah in his chapel uniform for school. It was MY kid in street duds while all the rest were spiffy and uniform. Who is this woman that calls herself Kimmie Brown? Surely that's not me! Never fear Noah. God heard you singing "Deep and Wide" no matter what you wore!
   
10. I don't really have a tenth line item, but I just couldn't leave number 10 hanging out here unfinished. Something, something, has to go right in my morning. A top ten list of things that went wrong is just the irony I need to make me laugh and know that it's all alright. :)
    

Recipe: Tulips

I know not why this recipe it called Tulips. But I know why it was in the kid-friendly section of the new recipe book I got from MOPS. It's appealing to kids in it's appearance and there are few ingredients which leaves little room for any "I don't like that part" comments. It is also simple and fun to make, so it would be great to have the kids help you assemble.

Tulips

1 lb. ground beef
1 can cream of celery
8-12 slices of bread, crusts removed
8 slices of American cheese (shredded cheese also works)

Brown beef, drain, and mix with cream of celery soup. Set aside.
Press bread into muffin pan (1 piece per cup). Toast in oven.
Spoon meat mixture into bread cups.
Top each with 1/4 or 1/2 slice of cheese or shredded cheddar.
Bake in oven at 350 10-15 minutes or until cheese melts.

I say they would be better titled Cheeseburger Muffins. :)

Unmentionables

- I brought some clothes downstairs this morning to change into before we left the house. Noah pointed to the bra in my stack and said, "When I grow up, I want you to show me how to wear one of those."

- Once I got Noah home from school today, I sent him to the bathroom. He got all tangled in his pants and shoes and needed my help getting put back together. That's when I noticed his underwear was on backwards.

Me: Noah, your underwear's on backwards!
Noah: Don't say dat.
Me: (laughing b/c I never know how to respond when he says that) But it is.
Noah: (pride at stake) I wike it dat way!
Me: (more laughter, head rolled back, tears coming to my eyes)
Noah: (takes off running and squealing, pants around his ankles, underwear still on backwards)

Recipe: Spinach Quiche

Tried this new low-carb recipe yesterday from E-Mealz and, I have to say, it was really good. Mild flavor, but still flavor. Almost no carbs. Gets you a dose of greens without tasting like a dose of greens. Even the kids ate it. Will do this one again.

Crustless Spinach Quiche

1/2 c. shredded mozzarella cheese
1/4 c. milk
3 T prepared pesto
1/4 t. salt
5 oz. frozen spinach, thawed and squeezed
6 eggs, beaten

Heat oven to 375. Reserve 1/4 c. of cheese. In medium bowl, combine cheese, milk, pesto, salt, eggs, and spinach. Pour into greased pie plate. Bake in oven about 30 minutes. Sprinkle with remaining cheese; return to oven to melt. Cut into wedges; serve.

The recipe said to serve it with cantaloupe wedges, but I forgot, and that was too bad since we actually had this pretty little home grown one straight from Josh's vine in the back yard. Shame on me. Next time.

Instead we served the quiche with ham, grape tomatoes (also home grown), and some leftover black-eyed peas. Yum. And - bonus - healthy.

Only in Nashville

Our next-door neighbor got a surprise party today, right now actually, for his 50th birthday. It's quite a big deal. People dressed in 50's outfits, tents set up in the backyard, food, food, food, cars parked up and down the street. Josh is there with Noah to testify to its reality. I opted to stay home with Anna, who would most certainly crash the party if we let her.

There's a beautiful pink Cadillac parked in front of their house (and subsequently ours, too).

The pink Cadillac sported Marilyn Monroe (blonde wig, feather boa, cleavage, and white flowy dress included) greeting our neighbor just moments ago as he got home.

Our neighbor, you might remember, is an Elvis impersonator himself. Has a giant "Elvis for Hire" magnet on his car at all times. Does it for a living. I still marvel at that - making a living off of playing dress-up.

It was just something to see. I couldn't help but grin as wide as our neighbor himself as I spied off-duty Elvis being stroked by Marilyn, hired by his wife, jiggling all her parts and flirting shamelessly with him in front of his 2 elementary age sons.

Seriously, folks. Only in Nashville.

Omigosh...even now as I type, Elvis is dressed up himself (sparkly white tasseled jumpsuit, red scarf, glasses larger than any man should ever wear) and posing for pics again in front of the pink Cadillac with Marilyn Monroe on one arm and his wife in a poodle skirt on the other. And now they are taking pics with various party goers. It's hard to pass this photo-op up, folks! Oh my word, Now I see Josh and Noah making good on the moment and getting a pic with the celebs as well. I could cry, it is so funny to me. For sure, that photo will go right here as soon as I get a copy!


All we need is Dolly Parton and we could open a theme park right here on the cul-de-sac. Scratch that - Josh tells me this Marilyn Monroe moonlights as Tina Turner later on in the party.

Only in Nashville, y'all ... and all in a day's work.

First Day at MDO

Just when I started feeling guilty about the fact that it did not even occur to me to take pictures of Anna with her new teacher (also named Annah) at MDO this morning, I remembered that it didn't even occur to her to look back or say bye when I dropped her off. So I guess that makes us even. She walked to the door without me and then stood there in true Anna fashion - head down, eyes to the ground. I said, "Baby, you can go play." And she did. Didn't look back (I know this because I did, I peeked). I wonder if she even knows I'm gone yet, almost 2 hours into her class.

First Day of Pre-K

While Josh and I got a little weepy in our minds recalling where the past 4 years of Noah's life have taken us, there were no tears to be seen as we kissed our oldest baby goodbye and walked out the door of his first day in Pre-K. Noah got a little antsy and called us back for second hugs and reassurances; he said he wanted us to stay because he would miss us. He even asked for a kiss, though I am sure it was only a stall tactic, and even then only because he saw another kid get kisses from her parents. It's possible Anna took the day the hardest. She moaned and moaned for "Wo-wah" as we drove away and kept this up after we got home. It plum wore her out to be without her brother and she ended up taking two naps just to make it through the day. Adorable. Not even a romp at Chick-fil-A could distract her from a certain someone's absence for long. I have to agree with her - it just didn't feel right without him with us all morning. It was so strange.


As for Noah, his day at school went smoothly. He approves of his teacher. He and his classmates got acquainted though he can't remember any of their names yet. They sang. They played. They colored. They snacked. They began memorizing their first scripture verse. They read a book about a moose. They learned about the letter i. Noah says he is fine with going back every day. I'm glad to hear that.

And speaking of I, here are some other things I am glad about...

I am glad his classroom is declared a peanut-free zone.


I am glad his teacher goes by Mrs. Cindy instead of Mrs. Shewcraft.

I am glad he will take part in reading groups.
I am glad his desk is front and center in the room.

I am glad there is a good chunk of playtime in his day.
I am glad I get to pick him up before lunch.
I am glad he and I will have alone time every T/Th before Anna's MDO lets out.

So that's that. It's official. Without any fanfare or emotionally wrought scenes in its passing, my stay - at- home with Noah days are behind me. Wow. The tiny baby we brought home 4 years ago has up and gone off and left me home alone ... at least til lunch. Yeah, it will be neat to have several hours a day with just Anna, but I have a sneaking suspicion she and I will get caught just counting down the minutes every day until we can go pick Noah up from school. I kind of miss him already.

Pumped

I am feeling pumped today for different reasons.

1. I just got back with the kids from our first play date with one of the mom's groups I just joined. I tend to get anxious right before social engagements. I tend to want to back out. And I always end up having a great time and feeling so glad I didn't bail. Today is another one of those situations. I was the new girl and knew not a soul there. But it was easy to get to know the other moms and we had wonderful conversation. It was helpful and encouraging. And mood boosting. You tend to forget how good it feels to be with other people. Fellowship gets me pumped.
2. We started trying churches again. Yesterday we visited the first on our list. It is not "the one," but it was still a nice group of people. Honest, sincere, in love with the Lord, welcoming. And it just felt good to be in church again. Today at the playgroup, I got a heartfelt recommendation for another one of the churches we have in mind to visit, so that was good to hear as well. I look forward to feeling at home in a church again. That sort of community gets me pumped.
3. I worked and shopped at our local semi-annual consignment sale this past weekend. I love being a part of that scene, so that was enjoyable in itself. Even more enjoyable was getting to shop early - before the public. I made a killing. I love good deals on good clothes. That gets me pumped.
4. My kitchen has felt a bit like a cave to me for awhile now. Just needed better lighting is all. So this weekend, I wrangled Josh into finally installing some under cabinet lighting in the darkest corner and it has made all the difference. I keep staring into the light as if in a trance and repeating myself like a fool, "Oh my gosh - I love it!" My kitchen feels bigger, which is a big deal given how small it is. And now I have my sights set on some above cabinet rope lights. Home improvements get me pumped.
5. We go meet Anna's new MDO teacher tomorrow. I am seriously MDO starved. Knowing I have some free time on the horizon REALLY gets me pumped.
6. We met Noah's new preschool teacher last week and she is really warm and confident and experienced. That is a relief and a reassurance. So Noah starts school this Wednesday. I am so excited for him. It's a big deal to be going to school 5 (half) days a week. It's a new day in our lives for sure. New starts get me pumped.
7. Anna is napping later and longer lately and this maneuvering of the routine hasn't had any negative effects on her. I need her napping later so her naps don't get all of out whack when I start picking up Noah from school this week at the time she is used to napping. Seamless transition. That gets me pumped, too. I like easy.
8. Football. Need I say more? Football season is here. That totally gets me pumped. We watched Sunday Night Football last night (although pre-season, I know) and I just grinned goofy at the screen - drinking in the green field, the flags, the helmets, the crowds, the passes, the tackles, the jerseys, the familiar voices of the commentators. Ahhhhh, football. I've missed you.
9. Josh and I are hatching plans for his return to teaching again. The thought of his schedule being reliable, of him being home more, of his working at a more family-friendly place gets us both really pumped. The catch now is not getting ahead of ourselves. Not getting ahead of the Lord's timing. But still, just talking about it gets us pumped.
   

Playing Doctor

Anna dressed up in Noah's doctor outfit and donned the stethoscope. Within seconds she was holding it up to me to press to my heart, so press it to my heart I did. Brightly shone the little red light and loudly thumped the beating noise. Then came a disturbing diagnosis from her nurse.

Nurse Noah: "Dat's your stomach. Dat means we have to check your eyes and ears."

Princess Pants

The things I catch myself saying in the name of being the mama just crack me up. Lately, one of those things is this, " Don't pee pee in your princess pants."

Anna's potty training is going so easily, so smoothly. I hardly have to lift a finger aside from the princess pants reminder. I do put a lot of fresh diapers on her after she uses the potty and then turns around and goes again in 10 minutes, but that doesn't bother me one bit. She is training herself, for crying out loud.

She thinks the pretty pink pull-ups are hallowed. She doesn't get to wear them every day yet because she still wets the diapers as much as she goes in the potty, but the prize is in sight and I think she is making the connection - that not only does she need to pee in the potty (when she and Noah get their precious candy), but she needs to put alllllll her pee in the potty to keep her diapers dry. And dry diapers mean pretty princess pull-ups. And THAT means mama says that thing and then laughs aloud to herself because it's just too hard to say it without laughing.

"Don't pee pee in your princess pants."

Today's Number: 3

Why three, you ask? Well. Let me tell you.

Three is the number of public places where my daughter layed flat out on her belly on the floor to resist my making her leave with us.

And the girl spared me (and whoever else was watching) no expense in her displays. She went so far as to put her open mouth on the nasty floors of those very public places in her snits of a fit.

Oh. My. Word.

I am sure the kind elderly couple sitting nearby was gasping for breath at how fast I snatched her up off the floor at our last stop today. McDonald's. For an ice cream treat, no less.

We take that girl to get ice cream and she thanks us by sprawling out on and puckering up for the floor. Oh. My. Word. That nasty floor.

Now that I think about it, the floor of her first fit was just outside the door to her pediatrician's office. Yeah. That floor had to be crawling with every sick kid's germs that walked in there ahead of us. Ohhhhh, shiver.

Next week's number: How many communicable diseases one tiny girl can endure at once.

Amens: Proverbs

Taken from The Message translation.

• Proverbs 2:6-8 - God gives out Wisdom free, is plainspoken in Knowledge and Understanding. He's a rich mine of Common Sense for those who live well, a personal bodyguard to the candid and sincere. He keeps his eye on all who live honestly, and pays special attention to his loyally committed ones.
• Proverbs 3:27 - Never walk away from someone who deserves help; your hand is God's hand for that person.
• Proverbs 10:2,3 - ... an honest life is immortal. God won't starve an honest soul, but he frustrates the appetites of the wicked.
• Proverbs 10:16 - The wage of a good person is exuberant life;
• Proverbs 11:24 - The world of the generous gets larger and larger; the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller.
• Proverbs 11:28 - ... a God-shaped life is a flourishing tree.
• Proverbs 14:26 - The fear of God builds up confidence, and makes a world safe for your children.
• Proverbs 14:29 - Slowness to anger makes for deep understanding; a quick-tempered person stockpiles stupidity. (also the NKJV - But he who is impulsive exalts folly.)
• Proverbs 21:30 - Nothing clever, nothing conceived, nothing contrived, can get the better of God. (also the NKJV - There is no wisdom or understanding or counsel against the Lord.)
• Proverbs 29:25 - The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that.

Small Pleasures

Some things I'm lovin' lately....

• Netflix - another technology I took forever to try
• The sound of flip flops flip floppin'
• Tomatoes with red wine vinaigrette and salt and pepper
• Sonic Strawberry Cream Slushes
• Grapefruit sprinkled with Splenda
• Who am I kidding? Covered with Splenda
• Booster Seat Noah - able to unbuckle/climb out Anna's side
• My new Stay-at-Home Moms Meetup Group
• Counting down in weeks til football season
• Dropping off the kids' clothes for the fall consignment sale
• Prepping book bags with supplies and nap mats
• The feeling you get after excersizing
• The bedding we picked out for Anna
• Thunder, rain, breezes
• Anna brushin' Josh's hair with her pony brush in a tu-tu