Adopting Feels Like Fishing

"The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of what is elusive but attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope." ~John Buchan

In our adoption journey so far, navigating between those "occasions for hope" and that increasingly "elusive" match for our family keeps me teetering between a number of different emotions. I am not going to lie. I am feeling faint-hearted right now, but there are other moments where I am sure the Lord, with a smirk and wink, is encouraging me to keep on ... at least for a little while longer.

Not counting the 7 months of paperwork, appointments, training classes, and home study visits, we've been an approved adoptive home for 3 months now. In that time we have inquired about 25+ girls, I'm sure. For awhile we were sending out home studies by the handful each week. Now that we have exhausted all our available possibilities, it's more like once every week or two when a new profile is posted and doesn't already say the child needs to be the youngest in the home. Nothing, obviously, has panned out yet. There are 4 profiles for whom we have not heard back since they requested our home study, but with every passing week that we hear nothing, I expect more and more that we won't. I was encouraged, however, at seeing a new face on the Alabama site this week and have already had our home study sent to her case worker. We also left a message with the only contact we could find about a sibling set that I have been eyeing for awhile, but that is really a long shot anyway, so I won't hold my breath. Still, I check the AdoptUsKids site and many, many Heart Gallery sites every day for any new faces, new possible matches.

I have come to the realization that this would not be such a difficult undertaking if we didn't have Noah and Anna. And it would really help if we were foster parents as well. Foster parents do most of the adopting that goes on apparently. So as an adoptive-only family, with two little ones in tow, we are low man on the totem pole.

Sigh. What can you do? Lose faith or keep it.
We are keeping it, but I feel like I am losing my grip.
I feel guilty for feeling faint-hearted. And a little embarrassed to admit to it, as well. But at least no one can say I bother with pretense.

So that's where we are. Still looking (fishing), and keeping discouragement at bay.