So, as I was saying, we had another visit with Angelique on Sunday. And it happened, during the hour and a half visit, that she and I fell into a pretty tense conversation. It was about legal documents again, her rights vs our legal responsibilities regarding Lasa, she claimed she is getting Lasa back and has a lawyer for that, claimed she is gonna open accounts in Lasa's name, I took that in stride and tried to speak reality gently by reminding her we understood this custody to be permanent, she dismisses the custody thing entirely because she "is blood"and she said we would deal with it all in court then and I agreed that was a distinct possibility and was a fair outcome for clarifying any messy points regarding this triad involving her, us, and Lasa.
I swear, I had an experience in those moments, y'all. Physically, my heart was pounding. Mentally, I was coaching myself to keep cool in the potential conflict, but also to speak facts clearly and gently while I had the floor rather than let her rant unopposed. Emotionally, I took in a sucker punch and didn't release the jolt of it (aka- cue the tears and gasping for air) until I made it to the car, or later at a friend's house, and again later in conversations with Josh, and still later in the shower where I do my best thinking. But, spiritually, I was instantly speaking to the Lord while the words were still coming out of her mouth and asking the Holy Spirit to be in the discourse and keep the conversation productive. ... and He did. He so did! I think I was winded more from having Him deliver me through that tense conversation unscathed and with our relationship still in tact. She never shouted or cussed or quit or made a scene though she was clearly not happy with what I was saying and not saying. But the visit continued on coolly after that and ended with her still hugging us goodbye. She did not reject my touch when I would reach out to her in conversation and touch her leg or her shoulder in the quiet moments. Some things just don't have words. She did not argue with my stating that Lasa is also OUR daughter at this point. She was receptive when I reassured her that if Lasa stays with us, that no matter how angry she is, I want her to remember that we never mean for her not to be in Lasa's life. I really feel like she heard me on these things.
I swear, I had an experience in those moments, y'all. Physically, my heart was pounding. Mentally, I was coaching myself to keep cool in the potential conflict, but also to speak facts clearly and gently while I had the floor rather than let her rant unopposed. Emotionally, I took in a sucker punch and didn't release the jolt of it (aka- cue the tears and gasping for air) until I made it to the car, or later at a friend's house, and again later in conversations with Josh, and still later in the shower where I do my best thinking. But, spiritually, I was instantly speaking to the Lord while the words were still coming out of her mouth and asking the Holy Spirit to be in the discourse and keep the conversation productive. ... and He did. He so did! I think I was winded more from having Him deliver me through that tense conversation unscathed and with our relationship still in tact. She never shouted or cussed or quit or made a scene though she was clearly not happy with what I was saying and not saying. But the visit continued on coolly after that and ended with her still hugging us goodbye. She did not reject my touch when I would reach out to her in conversation and touch her leg or her shoulder in the quiet moments. Some things just don't have words. She did not argue with my stating that Lasa is also OUR daughter at this point. She was receptive when I reassured her that if Lasa stays with us, that no matter how angry she is, I want her to remember that we never mean for her not to be in Lasa's life. I really feel like she heard me on these things.
But, wow, what a week we have soldiered on through since that discussion. We are exhausted. We have gone through so many scenarios and been over the lawyer situation, credit/identity theft situation, custody/adoption directions, timing of TPR papers being delivered to her, texted Angelique twice regarding two of these things (both unanswered), stayed in some intense prayer, and just done the hard work of keeping fear or worry at bay. It is all in the Lord's hands. We must not try to take it back from him. We must not flinch in fear!
We did, however, take one precaution and have requested a credit freeze regarding Lasa's social security numbers. :S How funny that it had to be done by snail mail!
Needless to say, I have spent time clinging to the Lord to keep my mind from overworking itself about these things. I have found my Colorful Comfort book to be just that ... a comforting practice.
It really feels like a tangible comfort to spend time thinking and praying while marking and meditating on the Scriptures on the pages and wise words from different believers. I have done these this week. And it has really quieted my heart and mind. I love how His word is living and active. THAT is the comfort, I tell ya!
Lasa's atty did send the TPR papers via certified mail to Angelique this week (now to see how long before she answers the door to receive them) and was assigned a hearing date in mid-March for having a trial date determined for the case and a lawyer provided for Angelique. So, we sit and wait. And PRAY! And trust.
2 comments:
Any word yet about the TPR? Has she even recieved them? Did she try to have a visit this weekend? I know you all were busy, but wasn't sure if that was already conveyed to her that tomorrow wasn't an option.
No word. As I understand it, it could take up to 30 days before the certified mail just gets returned to atty because she never accepted delivery or picked up after delivery. We shall see how this goes. The next step would be to have a cop deliver it? Atty didn't want to appear that aggressive if not necessary. And no, we are not visiting this weekend. Josh texted her that in Monday saying we had Valentines plans after all. She never responded.
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