Decidedly Dissolved

I can't even BEGIN to document here the drama that went down this week with my parents when we received their response to our response to their letter.  Suffice to say, it was just a bigger demonstration of more of the same conflict that has led us to the last year and a half of estrangement, more of the same conflict that has poisoned the last twenty, TWENTY!!, years of my life.

I just keep shaking my head and my eyes glaze over when I think about or try to talk about this whole ordeal that is my parents. I can't.  I truly, really, sincerely, just can't even.... I don't even know.  I just can't! It's enough! It's just. Enough.

Now?  Now we will continue in our established estrangement indefinitely. And after two swift emails back and forth with them yesterday, Josh and I threw in a side of a restraining order of sorts as well. 

This has been the most defeating, hopeless experience of my life.  Don't mistake me for being sad though.  The situation is sad, but I am so far from sad.  Just tired and numb and OVER IT and relieved.  I am not proud of this relational dissolution.  But I am not afraid of it either.  It just is what it is.

I don't want to talk about it any more.  Just wanna mark the day/week/year that my divorce from my parents was finalized.  What drama began when I was 13/14 has finally ended in my 34th year.  {Insert more of the bewildered shaking of my head.}

And just for a little comic relief, I have to note now how I have been singing with some serious oomph this weekend a few anthem-type songs including Frozen's Let it Go, Katy Perry's Roar, Sara Bereilles' Brave, and a new one I love by Autumn Blair called Hear Me Now.