On Sunday night in Life Group, as on opener to the new study we would be beginning (The Best Question Ever by Andy Stanley), everyone in the group shared what they considered to be the best decision he/she ever made (excluding spouses and salvation, of course). I, for the life of me, could not narrow it down in the five minutes I had to think, so I answered some mediocre response about completing my masters degree. But it bothered me all night because something like that just doesn’t measure up to what I should look back on as the best decision I ever made in my life.
The following morning, I woke up before Noah and COULD NOT go back to sleep for thinking about this very thing. What IS the best decision I ever made? And I finally wrestled down a list of 3 best decisions I ever made, but interestingly enough, 2 are linked to decisions I most regret as well…which by the way, was a WAAAAAAY easier list/answer to come up with. Why is that? Anyway, here they are –3 regretful decisions and 3 best decisions in my life so far…
Decision # 1 that I really regret is short and well, not sweet, obviously. I wish I had not dated a certain someone I did in college. In retrospect, that relationship compromised/ distracted me spiritually, stunted me socially, limited my involvement with other activities I wish I had participated in, and ultimately ended very ugly. And since it was for the duration of my entire freshman year, the effects of it were still felt for years to come.
However, this also leads me to introduce Best Decision #1 which was to finally face the facts and just end that relationship altogether. Enough said.
Decision # 2 that I really regret is NOT going overseas to teach after I graduated college. I was given the opportunity, I was single, I was very excited and interested in it, but in the end I caved in to discouragement I received. I knew when I declined the job that I would probably never go again, and that has turned out to be true. You start a different life and it just isn’t feasible to later pick up that one you passed up to begin with. (The salt in the wound of this poor decision of mine is that this very job, with this very organization, was the one best decision that another girl in the group named. Ouch!)
That dominoes into Best Decision # 2, which was still going off and living on my own in a brand new place after college (Atlanta, Ga…just because). Just about everyone was amazed at the fearlessness and independence it took to just pick a random place and go live there all by myself – knowing no one at all. But I found it exciting (and obviously, as clear second to being overseas). I got my own apartment and thoroughly enjoyed not having roommates for once. I began my first teaching job, and soon after, met the man that would become my husband (something I thought to myself could happen the very first time I saw him across the room).
Decision #3 that I regret for now is not having done more to put myself within reach of a personal dream/goal I have had for awhile – and that is becoming a published children’s book author. Fortunately, this is one that I can still commit to and attain, so I think I will. I just can’t name a specific time-line yet.
And finally, Best Decision #3 was choosing adoption for our family and our lives’ direction. Like teaching overseas, I (we) received much discouragement and funny looks as we moved forward with the process, but this time, I (we) stuck to our guns and what we knew was put on our hearts (first individually and then as a couple) by the Lord. And while the risks of adoption, especially adopting older children, scare many, the Lord has not given us a spirit of fear or timidity about them. We choose to yield to Him only in this decision, and trust Him more than our own understanding. Adoption fits us, excites us, and blesses us. And we are eager to meet the next children joining our family this way. We are proud of how adoption shapes our testimonies, defines our life goals, and mirrors the love the Lord has poured out on us all.
And there you have it. Now I can stop turning this question over and over in my mind.
5 comments:
very well said. I like it. I was also impressed you just went out and did the atlanta job too, not knowing anyone...that's about how it felt when I left Liberty for Auburn...and also found MY husband. Coincidental. I don't think so!
I haven't commented in awhile, so I will just comment on the past several posts on this one...in a nutshell, I LOVE reading your blog...your thoughts make me smile, make me think, inspire me, entertain me, make me laugh, and I'm always excited to see what's coming next! So go after your goal to become a children's author....but can you write something for us grown-ups, too?! : )
Kim, I love how you make me think. In one of your first posts here you listed treasured toddler moments and that inspired me to do the same in my journal about Jacob and now this...this is great. I very well remember a few of those decisions and I also remember the relief you experienced after you made the first. I'm sorry if I was one that discouraged you from going overseas. I rememebered that if you had gone I would have had to find a new maid of honor. I remember you struggling from that decision and looking back I don't think I was discouraging but I wasn't encouraging either.
Many of my worst and best decisions occured during college. It's such a turning point and those decisions have long lasting impact. I've always loved your ability to not let new places itimidate you. My worst decision would be not going to Israel when I had the chance to go for FREE! You should remember the best decision that wasn't easy for me...when I broke up with Robbie because he wasn't saved. As you know months later he came to know God and today remains strong in his faith.
Hey Rhonda!! Don't make me blush! :)
Shannon: Heavens no, you were not a discouragement. In fact, I almost forgot how the timing coincided with your wedding. You were plenty supportive in spite of that. Now I remember it all even more clearly!
And I remember how sad I was about your missing that Isreal trip for fear of being in the area at that uncertain time. That was too bad...good choice of naming that a decision you would redo!! I would too! I was so jealous to not have that opportunity!
The BIG move to Atlanta did seem crazy at the time but it also led you to Josh. It's always amazing to me that God sets these seemingly impossible situations in our path for us to face, but it's only because we think we need to face them with our own strength and power, BUT when we begin to rely in HIS power and strength to lead us through, we see miracles happen and our faith increases. In college you always wanted to become a woman of WISDOM, and reading through your blogs recently as you pour your heart out about your fears/concerns about the upcoming birth of Anna and your move to Gallatin, you and Josh have both been acting wisely making those small steps of faith. I absolutely loved my time I spent with you and Noah. It was my best decision I definitely made this summer.
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