I went to a bible study today. Confession: I am going more so I can make some friends than I am about wanting to study right now. What works in my favor is that it is a Beth Moore study and I do so love Beth Moore and every drop of teaching she provides.
After being at the bible study I felt disappointed because it didn't seem like there were many girls in there my age or stage of life. Mostly a little older, or a lot older, or maybe not even married yet. I don't know. It is hard to know when all you do for the first session is watch a video.
There was another Kimberly Brown in the class though, so that in itself should make me giggle away the "I feel so alone" feeling I have lately. But the truth is that I do feel alone. I need some friends here.
We are going to try a Sunday School class on Sunday and it is our last prayer that we will make some connections in there. This church is so gigantic, we feel quite lost and insignificant. Y'all, huge. Just huge. Feels like going to church in a mall. Just the walk through the parking lot to get to the building is like heading into a theme park, it is so huge. They have shopping inside....shopping! Coffee Shop, Book Store, Christian clothing, etc. There is a COP with a GUN for SECURITY!!! That is how huge I am talking. And that is not counting the multiple police outside directing traffic before and after services.
I am really trying to have an open mind about this. The first Sunday I went, I said those very words to Josh. I was so overwhelmed by the crowd and the children's area and the size of the church, that while we waited for our nursery to open up for Anna, and I perused the stroller parking lot they have (yes, a designated stroller parking lot - and good Lord you need one just to survive the trek into the building), I said to Josh,
"I am trying to have an open mind about this, but this just is not going to work."
But the truth is, I am .... trying to have an open mind. For now, I am struggling to imagine calling it home. It doesn't feel like any church home I have ever known. But I guess that doesn't mean it couldn't.
We'll see.
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5 comments:
One - I could write you a book on feeling alone or not having anything in common with the group you've been plunged into. Friends? I've discovered that it's scary territory for a pastors wife to make friends, close friends, in the congregation or even community. My best friend has forsaken me, literally. I know your pain, oh, how I know your pain.
Two - my editor at the paper where I used to work wasn't a Christian until about 6 years ago and the first church she stepped foot in was literally an old mall, now a church. She said she'd never go back and likened it to a circus. Long story short...God got a hold of and saved the old girl and now she drives an hour one way twice a week to attend this church. She has found a wonderful group of friends there and it is home.
Hang in there. I'll be praying for comfort, a friend or two, and God's guidance in your life.
Kimmie, I can feel your pain too! We moved here from NC which was a small, quaint, everybody new each other and could recognize when you weren't in service kind of a church. Our church here was about double the size of that one when me moved here. However, over the past three years, it has tripled to over 1200! It is really hard for me to connect sometimes too. Being the youth pastors wife, I KNOW a lot of people, but I don't really KNOW a lot of people. I even go through those phases to when I'll tell Kore that I wish we had just one couple friend that lived close to us. Because our church isn't really a community church, we draw people from about an hour in each direction. So although, we may really like them, they could live up to an hour away, which just isn't practical for us to get together with them regularly. I have found though, the only way to meet people is to do the Bible Study's or classes at night that they have or a Life Group. SO, good for you for throwing yourself in. This very well may be the church for you, and if it's not...that's ok too. There is one there for you! Sometimes a little harder to find than others! I will indeed be praying for friendship for you! I know how desperate we, women, need those relationships! Not sure if they have a MOPS program there at your church, but that's always a good place to find other mom's with young kids too.
A stroller parking lot! Holy cow! That's huge. :-) I know how hard it is. We did the whole church tour when we first settled down in Richmond and we went to a mega church and didn't like the hugeness of it. We did the classes and all and it just wasn't a good fit. We did settle into a smaller 500 member church and we love it! The people are awesome and I'm close with the girls my age. Is it the best in all areas, no! I once heard from a great source that when church hunting, don't always focus on what the church can do for you but what you can do for it. That's true but I still believe that you should find a church that can help you grow spiritually and nurture your families faith.
P.S. I love Beth Moore too and we're about to do one of her's in Sunday School.
I've never "church shopped" but know what you're talking about with the mega churches...Birmingham is full of them. You've got some great advice from these girls, and I'll be praying with them and you for God's perfect place for your family.
The gun part made me laugh. Having attended a church with 2000 people, I know it can be hard to meet people, but it's also true that with all those people there must be someone who could become a good friend. :)
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