May Days

The nightmare of this divorce continues.  It taints everything, every minute, every day.  Please pray for my heart and my kiddos' hearts.  It was a long month with new painful lows and also some treasured moments the Lord is training my eyes to see.  Joy and Grief do coexist.  It's a hard balance.  He is with us in the fire.  But make no mistake, this is a raging fire.  

Noah turned 17.  It was a terrible heartbreaking day for divorce related reasons.  I don't want to talk about it.  Just wanna acknowledge it happened.  Tears abounded.  It will be with me forever, this sad memory.

 Pics from a walk in our woods one evening.

Other May notables not depicted in pics - We finished the school year.  Lasa will not need her tonsils removed like we thought she would; she will undergo allergy testing and maybe get on some acid meds instead to tackle the ear infection issue that is cropping up again.  Noah finished his hockey season and is enjoying using his season pass to Nashville Shores with friends.  He is also working a TON and getting so tan in the process.  He has applied to a number of places for a second part time job but so far no one has called him back.  I went to my first job interview since right after COLLEGE.  I scrambled together a resume the night before, it was such a quick turnaround from application to interview - just three days.  It's for a part-time reading interventionist position.  It went well despite my anxiety and its newest symptom I deal with, which is dry mouth. The principal said I am a great fit and is holding the spot for me til I can jump through all the hoops to get my certificate renewed.  Praxis tests are now scheduled; wish me luck.  We also had our first hearing for the divorce to have several motions decided on.  The most important thing that happened was that the judge did not grant Josh's motion to sell the house immediately forcing us all to move.  The experience in the courtroom was surreal.  And my heart was broken anew to hear the half-truths and untruths that Josh's attorney managed to slip into his comments, showing me how deceitfully Josh has spoken about it all to him, showing me how very entrenched he is in the false narrative he tells himself.  Can you even imagine your person who has been the anchor of half your life becoming a total stranger to you?  Attacking you?  Trying to take things from you while he does it?  Can you imagine having to live with that person, always feeling the spirit of attack, always having to avoid them within the same house?  Having to hear that person whistle and play and pop popcorn like life is normal while you are dying and crying and hanging onto the Lord for dear life in the next room?  This is a living nightmare.  Please pray for my and the kids protection through all that is ahead.  Pray for Anna especially.  We all suffer greatly.  But wow, how faith and relationship with the Lord can grow in the suffering.