Because truthfully, right now, there are rumblings in our hearts to want to talk about it, imagine it, configure a timeline for when/how our next adoption could play out. Josh says things like, "I want another baby," and I tell him our next child is probably being born right about now anyway. Then we try to pull back and remind ourselves how unwise it would be to adopt right now with the new endeavor of homeschooling looming so near in our future. I admit to shying away from even entertaining the thought of adopting again until the Lord says so. Everything in me would love to get the ball rolling, but I learned my lesson last time not to mistake my timing for the Lord's. I still don't understand how we missed the mark last time, but I read a quote in a book awhile back that made me feel less stupid, like it wasn't all for nothing. Taken from Almost Heaven written by Chris Fabry:
While I may have come out feeling foolish, I also came out wiser, softer, more warned, and more yielded than ever. And I also came out with a gift I was foolishly willing to sacrifice at first - more time to watch my babies grow into delightful children amidst the peace we have enjoyed these past two years. I learned to slurp up and savor every moment of this season of our lives. These easy, sweet, fun moments we share as a family of 4 are a gift from God, so I don't hurry them or wish them away. That, at least, is one thing I am grateful to have learned in the face of not getting my way when I wanted it.But then there are people like me, who think they are doing exactly what God wants them do to, and they plow through everything that is thrown at them and in the end they're nowhere closer to God than when they started.... You get to thinking that way and there's not a person in the world that can pull us back. You have to come to your senses yourself through the power of God. His ways are not our ways. They way he guides is not the way we would do it. Look at Job and the senseless things that happened to to him. In the end, Job found out that God was the one in control, even though he'd allowed Satan to buffet his servant. And every time I think about Paul chained to a Roman soldier, I keep thinking he must have felt like everything he was doing was just spinning his wheels in the sand.... Once I got on that path, things made more sense. I wasn't doing something for nothing, even though at times it felt like it. In the middle of all life had thrown at me, God seemed to be doing something good with my heart.
The next adoption is out there. That, at least, we know. We just don't know when and I'm finally at peace with that - with knowing where we are headed, but NOT knowing when we'll head that way. For Josh, this acceptance has come easier. For me, a spontaneous girl of action, it takes concentrated effort. I'll just keep quoting my girl, Rebekah, from HeartCries, "I have seven more decades to live out my hopes and dreams. They don't all have to actualize right now."
They don't all have to actualize right now.
They don't all have to actualize right now.
They don't all have to actualize right now.
3 comments:
So glad you posted this! I have wondered where you were in the future adoption process, so I'm thankful for an update. I also need to remember that I have so much longer to live out my dreams and they all don't have to actualize right now! What a great quote!
I hear you on the quote! Man we need to remember that almost every day!
That was so interesting to read. So fluidly written and logical. And honest.
Glad you are at peace over not knowing the "when" !!
Thanks for dropping me a line on this, you two. Feeling a little raw about it today and just having the "virtual" company on here from two people who have seen us through a bunch of the past years - well, it just comes to me as a great comfort on a melancholy day. :S Thank you!
Post a Comment