Waiting Game

This week we went ahead and sent out about 13 more adoption inquiries at once (after the original 6-7 several weeks ago) because we realized rather quickly how rapidly your prospects diminish once you get the littlest bit of information back. These replies are how a number of our inquiries have been ruled out for us by the girls' case workers so far:

- already found a family - which is great!
- need to be the youngest in the family - most common response
- child is significantly older now than original listing said
- displays aggression toward younger boys
- displays provocative behaviors around boys
- only being considered for NC and GA families

Or we just plain haven't heard back from a handful, too. One girl in particular I was anxious to hear back about - it's been three weeks with no word. So I started contacting others about her. THEN I got a response ... that says please allow 4-6 weeks (!) for her case worker to get back to me. That is hard to hear. Over a month just to know if we should even consider her? Wow. Talk about wasting a child's time.

And our own case worker, for that matter, makes us wait for the dumbest things. She doesn't do what she says she will do. She forgets to follow through. She answers with frustratingly vague responses on emails that leave me having to ask several more times (plus wait the time again for her to respond) just to get the information I meant to get with my first email. I get really mad to think about how we are ready, how there are children who are ready, and yet we all wait for the workers and red tape in the middle to connect the dots. And even then you have to wait through those worker's sick days, weekends, poor work ethic, 30-40 case loads, forwarding of information, etc., etc.

So we wait. Honestly, it is so easy, so natural (for me, especially) to get mad about the wait. Waiting to be ignored or waiting to only find out very basic information that puts you back at square one....except a week/month later. I'm very much an "if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself" kind of girl. So this forces me to put on my patient pants and respect the process and trust the Lord to handle these things. I was never in charge of this really. And for that matter, neither are the people that are in charge of this technically. HE numbers the hairs on my head, so I can take that to the bank, trusting that He has numbered the days/months that will be involved in our wait for our next child... and her wait for us. When I remember to think of it THAT way, I'm cool it.

I have also realized another reason to make my peace with the wait. I know that once it's over, I will miss these last months when it was just us and the two kids. I don't wanna wish or stress or hurry this time away - not only because it's just the four of us, but because Noah and Anna are so little and these moments are so fleeting. These are precious days and I will not let impatience steal these memories from me. I did that for Noah's first month of life when I had no control over parts of our adoption process that hit bumps in the road. I was so miserable about not being able to fix or move things along that I almost can't remember smiling for Noah's first month. That is a shame. I still hate you, American Adoptions, for fouling up what should have been a joyous time for me and my family, but I also take responsibility for my own angry, pity-me attitude. And I promise not to do that again while we brave this new (and tediously slow moving) territory of older child, domestic adoption.

In fact, I am determined to not just not complain or not get impatient during the wait. I determine, here and now, to praise the Lord for the wait and through the wait.

I know you, Lord. I trust you, Lord. I praise you, Lord. I can take the wait. Thank you for the blessing and protection and providence of what you are doing that I can't see.

And like that - the fret just flies away.