Post Placement Notes/Thoughts

I can pull out Noah's slot car race track again and release the Nerf guns from their captivity.  The remote control robots are welcome to return to the playroom now and the markers can be left out on the table.  Come out, come out, wherever you are! The toddler and preschooler have left the building! HA! 

Before we consider this chapter closed, I wanted to get down a few memorable details of our time with Erick, Aiden, and their momma (via text/phone all day, every day of the last month).  Shanna has continued to text daily now that the boys are home so it will be interesting to see how this relationship goes forward.  I am willing to stay in touch, but will need to have some boundaries in place as well.  Learning as I go.

When the boys first got here, Noah could not, for the life of him, remember Aiden's name.  He kept stopping mid-sentence when he was trying to address him and asking me "What his name again?"  From there Noah graduated into ballpark guesses of his name; the funniest and my favorite being Angus.  I finally broke down and wrote Aiden on his hand and that, too, was downright hilarious to watch Noah refer to during the days. It worked, though.

Of their four week stay, that first week was, as I expected, the hardest.  Especially at bedtime.  Tears at bedtime, tears every time they woke up in the night, tears in the morning before getting out of bed.

One night that first week got Noah thinking and asking if he would ever have to go live with another family like the boys were.  Noah, by the way, was an AMAZING help the whole month long.  It's like he grew up overnight.  By the end of the month, it felt less so though.  He seemed to be the one getting the boys wound up or even at times being the one to mess with them.  All pros and cons of the big brother trait.  Ha!

The most overwhelming times of their placement were the doctors appts I had to take the boys to.  Those took HOURS and were laden with misinformation and lack of information about their medical history since they have been in their mom's care.  Another scary moment was when Erick fell off a swing and busted his lip in the back yard.  Blood everywhere!  And on a particularly stressful day already.  Aiden's scary injury moment involved his hand getting cut by a toy train and when he jumped down six stairs at once and crashed at the bottom of course. His Hep C condition made the blood a bit more of a sticky situation. Sharp learning curve for us, that's for sure!  We also had our first WIC experience this placement, too.  Josh took on that task and the ladies at Publix were very helpful guiding him through how to shop with the vouchers.

Erick, 4.5, bless his heart, was the more anxious of the two kiddos - afraid of new buildings, afraid of big crowds, afraid of the dark, afraid of what comes next.  I quickly learned how helpful it was to always, always let him know what was coming next, what was coming after that, and what to expect from what was coming and how many minutes or days before they came. While here, Erick learned a few things he did not already know how to do for himself - how to put on his shoes, how to put on his clothes, how to pump his legs on the swing, how to try a number of new foods and actually like them.  Erick was always, always asking what things were/mean. It was exhausting. He was a quick little soccer player, good at building with blocks, legos, and tinkertoys, and just a smart cookie, in general.  He LOVED all things relating to ocean life.  He had the awesomest bedhead in the morning that naturally laid flat again on its own in a few hours.  Erick wants to be a police officer when he grows up.  And he digs "Turtle Ninja" stuff. :) Erick preferred to be home rather than other places.

I will never forget how few words Aiden, 2.5, could say.  That was the hardest part of dealing with him every day.  He mostly had muffled sound grunts and finger points.  By the end of the month, he was able to say more things we could actually understand, but he will definitely need speech intervention soon. Aiden had a quirk about doors; he wanted them closed in any and every room.  Same went for drawers and my dishwasher.  Aiden, while compliant, was sneaky and disobedient when we weren't looking.  He got many, many time-outs while here. Aiden cracked me up with how much he enjoyed wearing alllll of Anna's dress up necklaces and purses.  Aiden self-soothed by sucking his thumb and sticking his other hand into his neck and rubbing ... his nipple.  Don't ask. It stretched out all his shirts and about drove me crazy. Also funny, this littlest of six people in our house had the loudest footstep in the house.  First thing in the morning, you could hear his heavy footslap.  It was hilarious, but also annoying.  Ha! Aiden was really into cars, construction vehicles, big machines, and parks.

I was surprised by how short of an attention span the boys had for TV shows.  They didn't watch much. It melted my heart when, by the end of their visit, they would belt out scripture songs with Josh and the kids and sometimes on their own in the car.  Excusing typical toddler and preschool behaviors, both boys were such good boys and aimed to please as a general rule.  They loved being here and seeing so many new things and playing with Noah and his toys, but they missed their "mommydaddy" and that warmed my heart; it was always a reminder of their healthy connection with their parents.

While they were here, the Lord blew our minds with his faithful provision through the community of friends he has placed us in.  Meals, toys, diapers, gear, wipes, clothes, gift cards, childcare in a pinch, prayers, prayers, prayers and general support and encouragement!! I fell all over myself for four weeks thanking people in word, in email, in texts, in FB posts, and of course, actual thank-you notes.  My mother would be proud if she were in my life at the moment. :S

So so humbling and amazing and moving and changing to have experienced.  Thank you, Lord!!

The boys were scheduled to return home the Monday after Easter, but Shanna was healing well enough and missing them enough that she asked to have them before Easter got here.  I was thrilled at the news (as were the boys) and had them packed right away along with some clothes donations for her and them, a double stroller donation, and a few toys the boys enjoyed while they were here. They were picked up early on Thursday, I kissed their cheeks and told them we loved them, and said goodbye.  And truthfully, I was so excited and ready to have our home back to just us again.  This was a real ... experience, y'all.  So much.  So good.  But so much to take in and endure and think about!

As they pulled away, I turned around and looked at my house and didn't quite know how to relax or what to do with myself.  I settled for letting my two remain outside to play in the rain and then, for lack of a better plan and for not feeling like going back inside a newly empty house, we went grocery shopping instead whereby I spoiled my two with bags of overpriced Jelly Belly jellybeans of their own choosing and mixing.

After that, I napped (or tried to), we had Cindy and her two come to play, and then Josh came home after work and things started feeling back to normal and peaceful again.  He had Good Friday off and we have really circled the wagons, so to speak, in these first few days to ourselves again.  We are taking a protected month off before accepting any more placements and to work in Easter, a short vacation in Cincinnati this coming long weekend, finishing up Noah's school year, getting baseball underway, and squeezing Noah's birthday in, too, without any extra stress in our routine and space.

We have let Jonah's Journey know that we definitely want to stick with one kiddo placed with us at a time after this and are realllllly confident in that decision.  I requested a follow-up visit with a JJ caseworker to help us process how things went and how we managed things and how we should perceive things in the future.  Susan will be here Tuesday for that visit.  I was not prepared for how often I would have to deal with their mom each day.  And we were most stunned by how unsettling it was to realize how much and how heavily we had to sideline our own children to get through the day with the visiting ones.  Not sure it sat right with us and not sure if we just need to let that go.  Not sure if it's good for the kids to have to step up and step back for someone else so severely.  Not sure if we should not require that of them because they are still little themselves, too. Not sure if we were just mourning the loss of how simple and fitted our life was before the boys or if these were red flags that will help us set different boundaries going forward ... like the one kiddo at a time thing we already gave them a heads up for.  We chuckled to ourselves OFTEN at how bigger families would laugh at how astounded we were by the workload of four kids. So many thoughts and doubts and questions came at us this month.  So thankful it was only a month.

I do feel guilty a little for how glad I am the boys are back home.  This placement wore me down to my last threads of everything - energy, patience, enjoyment, health, time. But, hey, I did lose 5 lbs in the process - there was so little downtime for me, I flat out forgot to eat til dinner sometimes. Four kids is just a lot of flippin' children to maintain. 8, 6, 4, and 2.  Wow.  That's a lot of kids. Yes, definitely let's stick with only one extra kiddo at a time going forward.