My wise word this year is Gentleness. And, it has not been going well. Truth? It's not been going at all. I have NOT been gentle with my peeps lately. It's just embarrassing how much I struggle with this! It's quite possible that this wise word project will need two years' worth of focus for me! For a variety of factors, I have been tired, edgy, emotional, frustrated, easily irritated, and just plain old short-tempered. Throw in homeschooling and a toddler all the while and you have a real pressure cooker. I gotta get a grip!
One way I attempt to get a grip is by retreating and using less words. Another way is with prayer. And one way I am loving to pray is with my Valley of Vision book of Puritan prayers that I have mentioned a number of times already. This prayer, specifically, skewered me the other night. Tears fell down my cheeks as I read the beautiful true words about my condition compared with the Lord's. It said exactly what I bemoaned to Josh that night after a bad day when I just knew I felt grumpy and I couldn't reason myself out of it and I hated that that was where my brain was stuck! I felt so guilty at how impossible I can be and I said all I can say for myself is that I am a beast and I need the Lord to lift me up and out of it! Need extra helpings of His grace some days ... a lot lately! And sure enough, that night this was the page I was on, the prayer I was on - Need of Grace.
"I cannot think or act but every motion is sin. Return again with showers of converting grace to a poor gospel-abusing sinner." Amen! How good is the Lord to answer me with timely correction, tender mercy, and fresh starts with his Spirit helping me along? So good. So patient with me! So opposite of me.
Anyway, all that to say, Kimmie's Gentleness Progress Report reports very little progress thus far. I am so ready to turn the calendar page on this first chunk of 2017 next week and start again here with Spring's onset. Welcome, Spring, and, with it, a Gentleness reboot! Help me, Lord!
Anyway, all that to say, Kimmie's Gentleness Progress Report reports very little progress thus far. I am so ready to turn the calendar page on this first chunk of 2017 next week and start again here with Spring's onset. Welcome, Spring, and, with it, a Gentleness reboot! Help me, Lord!
Oh, girl, I'm so with you.
ReplyDeleteI'm unsettled. I'm anxious. I don't like my job. Not even a bit. I miss my classroom. I miss my girl. I had roots for 33 years and knew exactly who I was. Now I don't.
All of this doesn't make for a gentle Amy either.
But it makes me long for the peace and comfort of my Jesus and I catch myself seeking solace there more and more.
Helps to know you aren't the only one! Hugs, Amy! One day at a time.
ReplyDeleteDoes this mean you are brushing up on your Praxis tests? ;)