Fostering Update

So, this is a good week to update on how things have progressed in our foster care walk of late.  There's not a lot NEW to update, but there is some timeline stuff to catch up on.  This week especially!

• First, momma.  The last time I shared much about Angelique was after a visit with her in May.   That was a good visit and she shared some updates that you might remember were, on the surface, good updates, though they somewhat made our hearts choke at what they could mean for us and Lasa.   Since then, however, we have come to suspect that, though she got started on those checklist items,  she likely has not maintained her effort or progress on those goals.  I suspect she is using again, but who can know?  She has walls up and holds her cards close.  Two months passed after that good visit before we saw her again in July, and only then at MY suggestion that she have a visit with Lasa.  That July visit went nicely, not counting how late she was and how brief the visit was because her ride was waiting in the truck the whole time and how NOTHING in terms of progress or reality was discussed.  She would not even answer a simple question about whether or not she is still in Nashville anymore.  (The reason this is even in question is because her number she randomly texts from has a Knoxville area code.)  So anyway, last visit was a month ago in July.  Baby has since had a birthday.  I wondered all month long if Angelique was even aware of this milestone approaching, so I was pleased to receive a text from her the day before saying she would like to see Lasa that day, a Tuesday.  In the end, she postponed that and said she'd rather do Sunday after all so she could plan a little birthday party for her.  I loved the idea and the heart behind that, so we agreed to visit last Sunday.  I confirmed with her Saturday night and she set a time and place.  But by Sunday morning, I received another text cancelling those plans and asking for our understanding.  She detailed that her family would not be able to attend and that, as a mom, she really wanted it to be special and that it didn't look like that dream was going to work out and that she would be in touch about visiting another time.  It causes my heart to ache a little for her situation and for Lasa to not have shared this milestone with Angelique in any capacity.  I feel like it's a very apt microcosm of this whole year - a momma in bondage, and out of control, that sees a good thing and wants good for that good thing but just cannot maintain that want or commitment to participate or be available for that good thing.  She has no lasting history with that sort of thing and she has not taken advantage of the helps she has been given and she has not welcomed the supports that could help her reach good things.  She is in bondage and she is helpless, whether she will admit it or not.  Her pride will probably never admit that she has chosen herself and her pleasures over her child, but her actions do.  Indeed, that has continued into this weekend where momma has not taken the chance to see her girl again.  She did at least text yesterday to say she was just checking on the baby and to tell us to kiss her for her.

• Which brings me to a second talking point:  Her missing this weekend's visit it pretty monumental to us... because this is a VERY big week for us and Lasa.  This is the week our custody of her will very likely become permanent!  This Wednesday at 4:30, if momma has not filed to reappear before the judge with her goals met, our temporary custody of Lasa will self-execute itself into a permanent custody agreement.  Full permanent custody.  Like forever.  Like, no longer fostering.  Like, she will be ours.  It'll be like she was born to us that day, not counting that that doesn't technically become true until an adoption proceeding, but still, for all intents and purposes it does.  Like, that is the day that closure will come for the last lonnnnng year and a new chapter will start for our family.  There will be no room for Angelique to attempt to have her returned.  Time will be up; the court will have declared it so.  I will stop calling Angelique "momma" to her.  I will be the official momma.  I have to stop while typing this - to let it sink in again, as I have had to do every day since April as we have counted down to this very date.  What began over a year ago as fostering, what turned into unexpected custody about 120 days ago, has now whittled itself down to 3. days. left with no motion or attempt on momma's part to change the direction of this outcome.  And her missing yet another offered visit with her girl, after missing her birthday, is just one more sad reality that tells us that Wednesday will come and go like any other day.  With momma being absent.  I don't even know if she knows that this Wednesday is that day!  Does she even realize what she is letting pass?  What does she think is happening while she wastes the days?  All these days, in all these weeks, in all these months.  It boggles my mind.  Josh warned her back in May about this upcoming deadline, encouraged her to know what was coming and be preparing for it if she means to.  But, given our position, and given her cold reception of the reminder, we have not brought it up to her since.  She has her own lawyer for that.  She has had over a year for this.  We just watch wide-eyed to see if this is really all happening.  It appears that it is.

• Which lands me here at this third and final fostering update:  Momma could still make a move.  There are three days' room for it still.  It would likely end up no different in the end, but she could still draw this all out by filing at the last minute on Wednesday.  Indeed, this whole last year and then some, she has amazed us with doing the least amount required at the very last stupid minute.    So.   We will watch and wait three more days to see what's up.  

I can't believe we are down to these last days.  We so want to move on with our lives.  I know that is a selfish impulse, but there it is.  We want to move on. We will wait out more drama if the Lord allows it to play out that way.  But if he wills this week to close this fostering chapter and to give us this child and to entrust her protection to us forever, well...

(I had to pause there again, to wipe away the tears that well up at the hope)

... well, we will heartily accept that gift and responsibility with joy and reverence and celebration.  And for that matter, we will be joyful at the hope that we could keep investing in Angelique along the way to whatever degree she will allow it as well.

This is seriously so prayed up there are just no more prayers for us to pray over this.  Only patient waiting! But I invite you to pray with us if the Spirit prompts you to do so again.  I will, for sure, be back with a sooner update in one direction or the other by the end of the week.  Preparing my heart for us to not know what has come to pass for sure,  for sure til Thursday or Friday as it sometimes takes some fancy scheduling to sync up with Lasa's guardian ad litem.  But report back, I will, as soon as I can!

Please, Lord, let Wednesday pass without incident.  But only if it's what you meant to happen to begin with way back when.  We trust you! Your judgements are right and good.