Last week, I was all encouraged and hopeful and ... foolish. In terms of momma getting her girl back, I was all, "I really hope that she does! I really think that she will! This makes my heart so full to think about." I thought we were working with a fresh start for Angelique after rehab.
This week? Not so much. This week she has been disrespectful of our time, dismissive of her chances to see her daughter, and unresponsive to our (and DCS') repeated attempts to contact her. This week she is MIA again doing who knows what who knows where.
Last week, she met up, was present, was prepared. Last week she asked for more time with baby. And I made myself available for an extra visit on Thursday. A visit for which she never answered and never showed and only bothered to text two lines after the meet time to lightly say, Sorry I can't meet, kiss my baby for me and tell her I will see her Sunday.
And you know what has come of this week already? It is Sunday and Momma has not responded to any of my texts all weekend. Her once a week visit time with her child has come and gone and we STILL have not heard from her. This week is a far cry from last week. More likely, I was just all dreamy-eyed and naive last week and this week that idealism is crashing into the brick wall of reality and brokenness.
I am so mad, I could scream. I am so mad, I could shake her. I am so mad, I can only cry in frustration. I hate this feeling of disappointment. Lasa deserves better than this. I hate this, this brokenness that I can't fix or demand better from.
Just so mad. For comic relief for anyone interested, Josh is cool as a cucumber about it and that makes me even madder. HA!
Chin up.
ReplyDeleteBeating addiction and radically changing a lifestyle is near to impossible.
Stay positive. Encourage her as often and as much as you can. Yall are the only beacon of Christ being shone into her bleak existence most likely.
It looks like it is going to be a long, winding, bumpy road.
How long before reunification is a moot point?
Thanks, girl! I hear ya. After this first post-rehab let down, I will have more realistic expectations for everything relating to Momma again and will therefore be less upset with her shenanigans.
ReplyDeleteI don't even try to imagine how long before Momma is disqualified for taking her girl back. It would only get me worked up again, right? But we might know {something} after court on the 26th. The operative word being MIGHT. Speaking of {might}, our DCS contact said it is even possible that Lasa {might} could go home with momma that day ... just all depends on what judge and what he decides. How's that for even more chaos and uncertainty?
Clinging to the fact that NONE of this is out of God's hands, and my only job is to be obedient to love Lasa while she is in our care. And, as you astutely remind me again today, to love her momma. Even when she is an absent, selfish jerk. :S
Well this was a sad post. :( Be sure you are documenting and telling Lasa's advocate of these missed visits and difficulty contacting her.
ReplyDeleteAnd I second what Amy said. Addiction is an ugly ugly deal. At least Lasa is in good care.
Yep. Just got done emailing Lasa's lawyer (guardian ad litem) with the updates. You know what made it even more maddening about yesterday? Our DCS worker showed up at the meet to get Angelique's signature on the IPA (and also was gonna do a drug test). She she went out of her way ON A WEEKEND for nothing. Does not look good on Angelique. Smh.
ReplyDeleteAnd so soon after getting out from rehab too. You'd have thought she could act right for a couple of weeks at least! I'm so sorry. I know what's let down that was for you. 🙁
DeleteIt's a let down for sure ... but this isn't about me really. It's about the apparent futility of this situation. :( And the not great outcome for Lasa. :( Just so hard to watch happening.
ReplyDeleteGoodness friend. One day soon I am going to flood your inbox with comments to all of these posts upon posts that I read in my inbox on my phone while chasing a two year old and then never comment on. But until then, I needed to head on over here to say "I love the way you love and love and love even when it is infuriating and frustrating. I've loved seeing the ways you genuinely care for and about Angelique and how gener5ous you are with loving her daughter and wanting what's best for both of them. You are a hero. And I'm thankful for the example of you in my life!"
ReplyDeleteI am embarrassed at such kind words, Elizabeth. If I do get those things you described right, I have to admit it's all in God's strength and the Spirit's overpowering ... which I welcome and beg of Him! Otherwise, it's just my selfish and prideful impulses that sneak up on me. :S It's amazing to be doing this thing ... and so humbling. Thank you for the encouragement! 💛
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