The Brown Family Takes a Hit

Our week went south on Wednesday.  We took a big hit to the heart.  It was this warp zone of a day where things seemed so good, but we were dealing with real heartache all the while.

Josh came home early from work and the weather was GORGEOUS.  

We didn't do school. I snapped pics of bright fall colors. 

The kids raked and played in piles of leaves. 

We flew kites. 

We walked the greenway and rode bikes

and went to the park and enjoyed fellowship with several of our favorite friends.

We ate out.  We took our time. But we also purposefully kept very busy at the same time. Because when we weren't doing all that ... we were somber. And crying.

Or just staring.  

Or crying even harder than before. 

The truth is, we did all that good stuff to try to counteract the awful we were feeling.  Because we broke our own hearts Wednesday morning when we said goodbye to Chewie.  We knew (but tried to pretend otherwise) that this day was coming.  He's been back to peeing in the house and we are too broke to keep chasing his recurring UTI issue to the vet and back.  So we took him to the vet

and the vet took it from there.  When I said I thought we should put him to sleep, she asked if we would consider letting them find a home for him.  We agreed, of course, so that is what they are going to do and apparently there are donors that will pay for his diagnosis and treatment all the while. Sounds good, right?  Well, yes.  But no.

Coming back home without him involved a really sharp sting that just won't go away! And we feel it at every turn of the day. Everything is a reminder that our sweet pup is not here - his empty bed right in the middle of the living room, his toys and bowls and doggie doors.  Everything I hated that he did, I somehow MISS. How is that possible? - the barks at delivery trucks and every noise, having to shut bedroom doors to keep him from peeing in rooms, the dog smell, his worrisome manner waiting for Josh to drive down the street, his desperation to be in my lap.  And everything we loved about him, we miss even more than we knew we could - his wiggly welcomes every time we walk in the door, his constant company, his place in Noah's every hour, his friendly, happy spirit.
Chewie!!  When did you capture our hearts so? 

Oh, wait. I think I know.  When you came home with Josh by TOTAL surprise to the rest of us three years ago.  

When my 4 y/o boy was terrified and thrilled with you all at the same time.  

When you licked and licked and licked our faces.  

When you played

and played

and played with my babies.  

When you looked at us with your puppy dog eyes and cocked your head just so.  When you rooted around under blankets in your bed.  

When you went cray-cray in the living room running laps like a wild thing.  When your habits became a part of our routine. 

When I nicknamed you Chew-Chew.  When you learned all the commands we wanted you to. When you shared our days 

 and our home and our furniture 

and our memories.  

And now that you aren't here, it's like there is a big ole hole in our lives.  We miss you Chewie. More than we can say and more than we expected.  Noah, especially.  Me, a close second.  We have been trying to console ourselves by smiling over thoughts of you, by praying, by crying, and even by writing  - me blogging, obviously, and Noah in his schoolwork.  Noah wrote to you directly.  

And he drew these pictures through his tears.

I wish our time with you didn't have to end this way.  We're praying you find a happy home,  healthier days, and that you bring smiles with you to your new family like the many you brought to ours.  Here's hoping we find our smiles again.  These tears and down faces are hard to wear and heavy to live through.  We regret this goodbye so deeply.

MISSING YOU, ChewChew. ♥