I have not been shy lately about telling my friends that I feel such anxiety building in me this year about Noah's peanut allergy. I am really having to stare down a spirit of fear. Just writing it out makes my eyes water with emotion.
Ridiculous. How can such a stupid little thing be such a fear-invoking thing? A tiny little piece of food?!
Down with Peanuts, y'all! Down!
This morning we dropped Noah off at VBS and I had to physically put one foot in front of the other to walk away and not turn around and get my baby and keep him with me where I can be sure he is safe. I communicated with his VBS sub (yes a sub on day 1 did not instill much confidence in me at all) about his allergy, I pointed out the eip-pen i had STRAPPED TO HIS BODY, I even slapped stickers on the front and back of him that said he has a peanut allergy. I told the lady to call 911 before she calls us in case of an emergency and I made her write down our number. And I may have certainly hounded Noah about a hundred times to be sure he doesn't put AN-Y-THING in his mouth without checking with a grownup first. And yet still, Josh and I did not feel ok leaving the boy to get lost in the crowd of kids and activity and ... foods. We did it - but it was not easy. Josh seriously was ready to turn the car around a little ways down the road the more we talked about how uneasy we felt at how the drop off played out. Then I laughed and told him we could not let ourselves turn into Nemo's dad. Ha!
WHY am I weeping again about this?! Y'all, I know you can't understand, but it is just. not. easy. doing this peanut-free lifestyle thing in a world of people and things that are not peanut-free.
I had to spank Noah at a birthday party this weekend when for the THIRD time in a row I caught him chowing down on candy/treats that he didn't even stop to wonder, let alone ASK someone, if it might contain peanuts. That was the first time the peanut thing has needed a spank to make the point ... and the consequences are just too severe not to. From here on out, he will get spanks for anything he eats without checking with a grown-up first. In our lives, it is as dangerous as him crossing the street without looking.
Not. ok.
That same party I crossed a line I haven't had to before. I got severe with him about the severity of his allergy. I tried to scare him into remembering how important this issue is. (Although, how could he possibly not know already?) I had to use the words - die, choke to death, dead. THIS is how dangerous foods can be for him if he is not careful. (and the people around him, for that matter, too)
Who wants to talk to their 5 yr. old about death? Even worse, his own death. No. Awful.
Down with peanuts, y'all. Down.
Signed, Seriously Struggling
PS- Don't even get me started about what it's like to be THAT mom at get-togethers and restaurants that has to bug people about what ingredients are in all the foods. That's a post for another day - I've touched on it before actually. I seriously need to find a support group.
Dear Friend, so sad and so sorry that this is your family's normal. Wish that it wasn't and will certainly be praying for peace for you and a heightened sense of awareness for your boy. Your support group comment makes me curious... is there one?
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you have to feel so worried. Could you pack him a special snack to take to VBS with him so he does not have to eat their snacks? Iknow our kitchen staff would be very conscientious about making sure he got his own snack.
ReplyDeleteI've mentioned before to you that David has an pretty severe allergy to cashews. The Friday before memorial day, I got a call from the school nurse telling me she has David in her office. He was having an allergic reaction to the trail mix we had put in his lunch. I had quickly checked the ingredients and missed the cashews, but sure enough there were cashew pieces in it! Fortunately benadryl did the trick and we didn't have to use the epipen. Poor David was sick, itchy, blotchy faced and exhausted for hours after.
ReplyDeleteSigned,
Mom of the year :(
I am SURE there are support groups of some food allergy nature - certainly numerous online communities. I have begun watching a few on FB lately and realizing how much I have to learn.
ReplyDeleteYeah, Carol, we are playing with our options and will surely be the ones always packing Noah's foods, but it doesn't just stop there. Class treats, rewards given out, peanut butter on hands of other kids. Ugh.
Laura - so what you're saying is that I will be my own worst enemy? Aaaaaaaaaaah! :) And oh my word, so glad it was not a worse reaction for David. Thank you for that, Lord.
Bless your heart! You're such a good mama and Noah is a great kid and I hate that y'all have to worry about this all the time. Like most people, I never gave a thought about peanuts until I met Noah, and now I'm amazed at how many foods say "may contain peanuts" on them.
ReplyDeleteThere are several peanut allergy support groups on Yahoo:
http://groups.yahoo.com/search?query=peanut+allergy+parents
Oh my word - I bet there's even a meetup for this very thing!
ReplyDeleteCan totally relate here! We're in the same boat and even after Jacob outgrew all of his food allergies, none of which were peanuts, I'm still fearful that Ava will have to live her life dodging peanuts.
ReplyDeleteWhat scares me most is how people simply don't get it! Peanut allergy is the #1 cause of food related death and yet Ava's daycare still serves the darn brownies that contain them and sent her into anaphylaxis.
You're analogy about letting your child cross the street alone is perfect.
Your situation is much scarier though with Noah being older and around other kids and lots of unknown treats.
I did read something last week about a cure being close or possible. Let's pray for that!
For sure, Shannon. The "other people" factor I think is what is making me so much mor anxious with every passing month. He is around more and more people with every passing month...and in the fall will be passed off to other adults within a school day that I will not have had the chance to "school" about his peanut allergy, you know? So now is where NOAH has to take those reigns and be in charge of remembering what he can and can't eat, can and can't let touch him. Trusting a 5 y/o is not comforting at all. :(
ReplyDeleteWhen the VBS teacher told Josh she told the kitchen workers to wear gloves when they handled the peanut ingredient snacks today and to wash up carefully, I know she meant to reassure us - but that only screams in my head - 1. someone's going to forget about that one kiddo with the peanut allergy and 2. THERE ARE PEANUTS THERE WITH MY BABY AND I AM NOT THERE TO STAND GUARD!
So scary.
Dear Seriously Struggling,
ReplyDeleteYou are an awesome mama even when facing down such a tremendous and real fear. I don't think it's a coincidence that God gave Noah to you. Praying for your anxiousness and for Noah's safety.
You make me really appreciate our church's and school's peanut policy. They are both peanut free "institutions" - but still....I pack Natalie's snack every sunday adn will do so for lunch and VBS when she is old enough to go, etc. Yes, it's scary to think about them trying ot take care of their own self...and I"m not even there yet.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Amy.
ReplyDeleteAnd Emily, it still baffles me that you have one with a peanut allergy now, too. At least we can commisserate together for the rest of our lives about it.
(I'm cracking up right now because I am betting $5 I know what you are about to do online right now. Do you know?)
Why oh why do schools, churches, daycares NEEEEED to even serve anything with peanuts? If you really think about it, it's not that hard to avoid. It's not like egg, dairy or wheat, where it's a common essential ingredient. I would most certainly call the school a week or so before they start to set up an apt. with the school nurse, cafeteria manager, teacher (if possible). I'm so nervous for you. I'll be praying!
ReplyDeleteIt's so heartbreaking to hear you go through this! I can't imagine what it must feel like. I don't know if it will help, but in Will's kindergarten class, there was a girl with a milk allergy. His teacher was VERY conscientious about it. She had to take a pill (from the nurse's office) before ANY snack they had. The teacher made sure all the parents knew about it but of course would still would send the girl to the nurse's office before snacks. (it's hard to have cookies and cupcakes sans milk!) I'm sure Noah will do so good with it this fall. You know they "get" a LOT more than we think they "get". Especially in Kindergarten - it's amazing how much more "grown up" they become. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jennifer - that gives me hope that Noah will get that teacher who is very responsible about his allergy! And yes, Shannon - Josh is already got it on his schedule to set up a meeting with the principal to discuss all the details about Noah's peanut allergy and needs relating to that. Expecting to do the same with his teacher right away in the school year, if not before...
ReplyDelete