To My Noah at 4

Oh my Noah - Happy birthday!

Little boy, I love you to pieces. Can it only have been 4 years now that I have known such a love? I swear I have joy to count for twice that! I love you and this life we have with your Daddy and Anna. What's more, I just plain old LIKE you and the creature you have become, although I never can tell from day to day, heck - hour to hour, what that creature will be. Just this morning you were a baby screaming while we held you down for your shot, after that you were my studious helper while I ran errands, at lunch a pirate wielding your foamy sword in the car, this afternoon a martial artist coming home from your karate orientation, and this evening a prince kissing my chin after your frisbee hit my face. In other moments today you were a couch potato, a monster-truck driver, a video gamer, a builder, a singer, and as always, you were a patient waiter. My heart treasures each moment, mood, and imaginative play I get to watch you experience. And this past year did not disappoint as you grew into your four-year-old self.

I know your earlier years were packed with big milestones, but somehow this past year has felt bigger to me - your milestones so much more independent in nature. I've had to catch my breath and beam with pride in observance of each new step you have taken. In this past year you have gone from size 2T to 4T. You don't take naps anymore (but we have instituted quiet time in your bed), you are potty trained (except for nights), you sleep in a twin bed (instead of a toddler bed), you ride a big boy bike (with training wheels, thankyouverymuch), you wash your own hands (but you drip water everywhere), you wipe your own bootie (though I ask you not to because you get it on your hands), you don't need a booster seat anymore (but I put a towel on your seat to catch the mess you make), you can pee standing up WITHOUT a step stool (but you sometimes miss and you never flush), you can get your own drink from the fridge (though you sometimes leave the door hanging open), we can easily communicate (whereas last year I worried much about your speech), and now the neighbor boys look at you like you are worth their time - now that you are a big, bad 4 year old. You're not too big though. At your check up you weighed in at 33 lbs. and 38 inches. This means you are still small for your age, but it was also means you have gained on your peers a little. Last year you were in the 5th percentile. This year you come in at 10-25 percentile.

Last night you challenged me to a sword fight, but my sword was in the other room, so I used my leg, which I think gave me the advantage because you were too busy giggling to keep my jabs at bay. A couple months ago you and I took turns rolling around on the couch and floor to store up static. Then we'd carefully reach out and touch each other and exaggerate how big the shock was that we created. I think of another moment several months back where I had mercy on you at the last minute after we talked, not delivering the spanking you had earned. You were so shocked and relieved to find out you did not have to take the spanking, you threw your arms around my neck and breathed such a sigh of joy. And you said so authoritatively, 'I wuv you, mommy!" These are the moments when I thank the Lord for my little boy. What an adventure and full heart you bring to me. I store up these memories and more. Things like:

• How you chase and catch your bubbles on the bubble wand - today bringing me a bubble on a flower. When I exclaimed that it was the prettiest flower I'd ever gotten, you said I was a princess.
• How you run to grab an ice pack for anyone who's hurt - you really dig ice packs.
• How unselfish you are - with your toys, your treats, your turns, your time.
  
• How you so animatedly remind me what to put on the shopping list as I head out the door, usually bananas or yogurt.
• How your spirit will rise up when I tell you to be tough like a man when you are tempted to give in to a crying fit.
  
• How you remind me of what I've forgotten. You say "Got sumpin, Mommy!" and your eyebrows are raised up and your expression is so earnest.
• How you struggle with obeying right away - you try to take a misbehavior back, or promise to not do it again, or say you're sorry over and over "I sawwy, I sawwy!", or "Pweese, pweese, pweese!?"
• How desperately you cry when it is time to turn off the video games.
• How you call Anna your baby.
• How you repeat your question/comment when you are talking to Anna.
  
• How you sing to yourself while you play video games. So light of heart.
• How you stand up behind your chair to watch your favorite movies because you anticipate a scary scene coming up - a leopard pouncing, or a character shouting suddenly, or a bad guy jumping out.
• How you compare every book or movie's bad guy to the sea witch from The Little Mermaid.
• How you try to be so sneaky playing with your private part, or picking your nose, or holding a bowel movement in, or stealing a sip of my coke, or sneaking a grape from the fridge w/o asking, or most recently fishing through my junk drawer when I leave the room.
• How you remember to ask if a new food has peanuts in it or not.
• How you enjoy your nightly yogurt with Daddy and Anna - how you run to get it and a big spoon.
• How you are such a great puzzle solver - working with 24+ piece puzzles right now.
• How you enjoy doing Waterford on your computer at night.
• How you love songs that have motions to go with them.
• How you know more people at church than I do.
• How quickly you pick up video game and computer skills.
• How you have gone through movie phases - Dumbo, Mulan, Little Mermaid, Brother Bear, Tarzan, Toy Story, Polar Express.
• How you have moved on from Max and Ruby to Barney, Curious George, and Diego.
• How you still stick out your tongue when you are concentrating really hard.
• How you play with your Toy Story and Peter Pan figurines. How you whisper the words you have them say to each other.
• How raspy your voice is by the end of the day.
• How motivated you are by praise and by consistent examples.
• How you are reassured by knowing what to expect, what comes next, what is expected of you, or where we are going tomorrow.
• How you act the clown if it draws a good laugh from anyone.
• How observant you are, even if it means you are observing classmates instead of your teachers.
• How your heart breaks when Anna ruins your constructions or completed puzzles.
• How committed you are to drawing circles and happy faces over and over again, but how you don't care one iota to color anything.
• How you attempt to stay in the lines when you do color, just because I have pointed it out to you.
• How you are learning to let me be Anna's boss, not you -I have to get on to you for sending Anna to time-out.
• How you are learning not to say, "I can't do it! I can't do it!" and not to speak to mommy and daddy with a bad attitude (disrespectfully) and how not to shout at Anna and how not to backtalk (you clasp your lips shut with your finger and you look like a duck).
• How you don't quite understand why you shouldn't also expect Mommy and Daddy to obey YOU. Ha!
• How long it took us to break you of your habit of spanking Anna, even though it was just play.
• How you ask when Daddy will get home every 30 minutes when he's gone on trips for work.
• How you can't figure out how to put your underwear on the right direction, but you keep trying.
• How proud you are of the fact that you can put your own shoes on now, but how much effort it still takes, and how you don't give up, but you do have frustrated outbursts sometimes in the process.
• How you and Anna end up sitting side by side on the floor or couch watching TV.
• How you try to coax Anna into napping early when you don't think I can hear you so that you can play your video games sooner.
• How musty your head smells because your hair is so thick and you sweat so much in your sleep, often with your covers completely over your head (your daddy and I don't know how you can breathe under there).
• How you fall asleep so quickly at night and don't wake up if we come in to check on you.
• How you are obsessed with going on a bear hunt lately
• How you stick your musical recorder down the back of your shirt pretending it's a machete like the warriors in Mulan.
• How you bite your nails now and I can't blame you or stop you because I do, too.
• How you ask us to sing "Let Me Hold You" to/with you - the song we made up with you on the back porch - sung to the tune of Shortenin' Bread.
• How you throw the frisbee with your left hand, but draw with your right.
• How you grip the bat left-handed, but swing as if you are right handed.
• How you adore you Daddy and monopolize all his attention when he is not working (sometimes still when he is).
• How your farewells have taken a humorous turn that has become tradition...getting longer and more silly all the time - Goodbye Daddy BuzzBob tiger lion bird alligator dude!
• How you humor Anna with bedtime kisses even when you couldn't care less some nights.
  
• How your favorite friends are Brandon and Baron (the brothers who live next door), Nathan and Katie (friends from school), Brooklyn and Natalie (cousins), Drew and Mr. Mike (from church).
• How handsome you are. How kind you are. How willing to learn you are.
• How proud but emotional I get at the thought of you starting preschool next year... 5 days a week! How will I get by without you? Anna will be just lost without you!
• How reliable your morning and night routines are: A.M. You come downstairs (one thump per stairstep at a time) when your timer nightlight comes on at 6:45ish. You always bring your bunny and lately I've started making you take him back right away. You go straight to the bathroom to get that wet pull-up off and then you watch TV with Anna until you both really wake up. And somewhere in there you get your morning medicines and a banana. P.M. Around 6:00 Daddy alternates baths and if Anna goes first, you watch Dora. After your bath, you get your nighttime medicines, lotions, vitamins and you play in your room with Daddy and/or me and Anna (or not, depending on time and behavior - it's iffy now that you don't nap). At bedtime @ 7:00 you brush your teeth and go potty one more time and have one of us carry you upstairs "like a tortilla" or course. You read books and pray and go right to sleep with your "Sing Over Me" cd playing. Lately you act as if you are scared of things you see in the shadows of your room, so now you have a nightlight just for good measure.

Especially this year as your speech has increased and improved, I've treasured the things you say or how you say them. I've always got a list going of these sorts of things you say:

• What time Anna get bigger? (wondering when she'll be able to play more things)
• What time you get tiny? (wondering when it would be my turn to be a baby)
• Moke (milk)
• Papa John Cheese (parmesan cheese)
  
• Airpane port (airport)
• Bortday (birthday)
• One More (lawn mower)
• Boon (spoon)
• hooj (Huge)
• nakkin (napkin)
• Turn dat down (speaking of the radio), I tell you a secwett. (it's never anything secretive, but I guess you think the quietness makes it so).
• You mix up prepositions a lot: I do dis to (for) you. What dat called about? Wait to (for) me. I make dis to (for) you.
• When Anna attempted to use the potty, you remarked "Dat nice bootie!"
• When you reach for a chip from the bag you say you want a "big, tall one".
• When I told you to stop telling me you're sorry you answered, "But I wuv you!"
• When you turned the sink water on too hard, you called "Help, Help, Everybody Help!"
• After lunch one day you asked me to help because you had "made a terrible mess". It was only a few streaks of sticky on the table.
• If something happens AGAIN in your day, you say it "happens all day wong!"
• Or if I ask you something AGAIN, you say "I aweddy tell you two times!" and now we tell you to stop saying this because it has gone from adorable to disrespectful.
• You are so well trained to ask for things with a 'May I' that now when you want us to do something, you say (for example), "May I you get that to me - I no reach it."
• You are so used to saying things are a great idea that now when you don't like an idea you say, "I no wike dat gwate idea."
• You delight in the novelty of saying mommy and daddy's grown up names when asked. You say Joshua well enough, but my names comes out "Kimuhwee Bwown."
  
• At your gym class you can always be trusted to tell the teachers on your turn that you want to do it "aww by seff" (all by yourself).
• At bedtime you always ask Daddy to carry you upstairs like a sack of tatos (potatos) or a tortilla.
• You are an encourager - Great jump, Daddy!; Tank you for cooking!; Good job, Mommy!; Anna, you're bootuhful!; I wike dat - dat's my favewitt!; Anna's so cute!
• You surprise me with words or expressions like, "Oh, I see!", Waydee and Gemmemiz (ladies and gentlemen), Amazing!, Episode, echument (instrument), to the rescue, accident, stretching, magazine.
• You cautioned Daddy about his coffee, telling him to put it "wite here so you don't spiw it".
• While Daddy slept in his chair, you took off his glasses, pried his eyelids open, smacked his cheeks and complained that "daddy no talking to me" Then you told me to be sure NOT to wake Daddy up. Ha!
• I often encourage you to be strong like a man - so the other day it didn't surprise me to hear you say that you are a strong man. Or since I tell you when you do something awesome, last time you agreed with me and said, "Yes, I am!"
• The other day I told Anna to relax. You followed my cue and said, "Wax, Anna. Wax wike me!"
• I always melt when I hear you sing "Zewwus, Zewwus, eh eh eh eh, zewwus..." from your Songs for Saplings CD (words are supposed to be Zealous, Zealous, God tells us to be zealous).
• There is a quarry we pass on the way to school, and you often remind me that when you get big, when you "be a gwown up", that you will "cwimb dat mountain" and that daddy will catch you. Then you ask if there are bears on that mountain.
• While I watched Survivor the other night, you ran by the TV, and catching a glimpse of Rupert (a rough and bearded looking fellow), you called behind you, "Dat Jesus?"
• When I told you Mimmie and Papa were coming on your birthday, you said, "And Santa, too?"
• You often say "Dat might be.... fun, yummy, good, etc." And "Not too .... cold, scary, bad, far, etc".
• You don't just say school or class. It's always "skoo cwass".
  
• The exasperation in your tone and expression tickles me when you shout something like "My. Twuck. Hurt. My. Finger!" from the next room.
  
• You were upset at not being able to get your shoe on by yourself, especially when you hurt yourself in the process. I called from the kitchen that I was sorry. And you called back, "Not you, Mommy. My SHOE hurt me."
• When we talked to you about being ready to share your things with Brandon, you jumped up and ran to your pajama drawer and said that "he might wike to wear this. Might not be too big."
• When I got real frustrated because your doctor's office was unexpectedly not open, I got in the car and called Daddy to vent. When I got off the phone, you got my attention and tried to soothe me by saying "I sawwy dat dottor not open. Mommy, I sawwy."
• If you want me to wake up from dozing on the couch in the morning, you try to pull my eyes open and say "Wake up, Mommy. Sun is out."
• When you saw me in my robe and my hair was up in a towel, you said, "You wike a pwincess".
• It's not uncommon for you to ask us to take a picture of your bootie. Or for you to start singing, "Shake a bootie, shake, shake, a bootie". Or for you to just exclaim "bootie spank!" ... just to hear the words.
• When I was explaining that your birthday is when we celebrate the day you came out of Tania's belly 4 years ago, you piped up and said, "and when I came out Tana's bewwy I say "suhpwise eh ree one!"

I know this list may be a jumbled mess, but that is how these moments come. They just wash over me day in and day out and I can't keep up. And that's ok. I collect what pieces I can knowing I will be glad to have this mess of memories when you are all grown and gone. Maybe you will be glad for them, too. (at any rate - three cheers for mommy for discovering the button for making this list bulleted!)

In my defense of how embarrassingly long this birthday post is, I have to point out that it's not just me, you know. Yes, I am over the moon for you, son, and I could write a book about all your ways and words and wiles. But lots of other people think you're great, too. You are easy to like. People respond to you even when you just stand silently in the room. I am just the lucky one who gets to toot your horn for you. I always glow at the compliments people pay you - teachers, nurses, family, friends, babysitters, repairmen, cashiers, etc. But my favorite comment came from a perfect stranger this year and I think it sums things up just right. You and I were running an errand alone (your allergy shots, actually). We approached a man at the crosswalk and after watching you walk with me, obey me, interact with me, comment on the leaves and birds, he said to me with the warm grin "You are a blessed lady." I couldn't even pretend to be shy or unassuming about that one, about you. I agreed with a grin and nod as I proudly held your hand. And I am, baby bear. I am a blessed mama. You make me so. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I am so proud of the little man you are becoming.
Happy Birthday, baby.
Mommy

PS - I didn't finish this post in time for your birthday on May 2, but May 4 is a special day, too. It was your original due date, and it ended up being the day you were released from the hospital into our custody. It was the day we got to take you home to Memaw and Papa John's where we stayed for a whole month in FL.