Random, But Honest

Today began my official hiatus from church. It's a bit of an experiment and a last ditch effort to shed my frustrated and cynical heart towards all things relating to the Sunday morning roles and routines that go on there, or give the appearance of going on. It's sort of a long story, but in the end I just need a break so I can hopefully come back clear-minded and refreshed. And not so easily irritated, doubtful, and skeptical of everything at our church. I have low expectations right now that this will help, but I just don't know what else to do.

I have a hard time throwing away shoe boxes. I tend to want to hold on to them in case we might need them one day. I only ever need those boxes again about 2 times out of 10, I'd say, but I can't help myself. Along those lines, I have also begun saving toilet paper rolls, empty plastic containers, and other sorts of emptied cans and tubs. My summer goal is that I can put them to some creative and crafty use with the kids. I've started following some different blogs that have really good ideas and they have inspired me to tap back into my art-and-crafts self.

Besides grass, this weekend Josh planted carrots, broccoli, tomatoes, squash, beans, cucumbers, watermelon, cantaloupe, and corn. Yum! Noah served as his part-time help and/or audience and he planted his flower that he brought home from church a couple weeks ago. That I managed to keep it alive til now is nothing short of a miracle.

I'm reading a really good book right now. It's called A Voice in the Wind and it's the first in the Mark of the Lion series by Francine Rivers. I love knowing there are two more waiting on me when I finish this one. And I have a killer word-junkie list to post when I am done.

Water is amazing. I keep coming back to that epiphany lately. I won't go into all the reasons why I think so. I just feel like putting it out there. That I think water is just amazing. And also, along those lines, what a good word picture God uses when he describes himself as Living Water.

Why in the world is Enfamil sending me formula and coupons and other baby ads and such? They could not be more wrong about me and where our family is headed. Must be some computer glitch.

I got Noah several Christian CD's recently and my favorite among them for him is called Songs for Saplings. And as time goes by, Josh and I both remark how we benefit from hearing the scripture tunes as much as he does, if not more. Its quick and catchy verses put to song get stuck in my head and I find myself singing them aloud all day long. Down to the exact book, chapter, and verse reference.

Josh's company approved his expensing an iPad for work and he finally got it on Friday. You can only imagine the enamored awwww's, wow's, ooooooh's and look at this's that I have heard all weekend as he has gotten familiar with it. Boys and their toys....I mean, tools for work. Right.

Over the last month I have put together a number of things to send to Tania from us, from Noah. A drawing Noah made for her with a caption I got him to dictate (which ended up being real silly - about a sun drinking a coke - and closed with a "goodbye, dude"). A collection of some of his coloring/drawings over the past 6 months. Pictures with notes from the past 6 months. And some recent blog posts specifically relating to him. I have never sent her anything from the blog before and it made me nervous to include them, but I am trying to come up with ways to give her more glimpses into Noah, his personality, and his days. I also wrote Tania a letter, which I haven't done in awhile, and I swear I reread it a million times and pondered whether to send it for like 3 weeks before I just bit the bullet and had Josh mail it for me yesterday. I hope she doesn't think I'm stupid, but I'm willing to risk it in the name of showing her love and making sure she knows she is welcome to more contact with Noah if she'd like. A number of birth mother blogs I have started following have raised my awareness that she might, like them, long to know more, see more, hear more of her relinquished child but not feel empowered to say so. Tania has always been so quiet and sober, I have never gotten a good read of what she really thinks or feels, likes or dislikes where we are concerned. So I was compelled to just go with my gut and put it out there again that she is welcome, but that in the same token we don't want to push any extra contact on her that she doesn't want. I hope she doesn't think I'm stupid for saying so. That's really pretty much all that made me hesitate to send it in the first place. Worrying about looking stupid. Which is stupid, huh. And selfish. So anyway, that's that. It's in the mail now.

Noah's behavior, namely his outbursts in the face of disappointment and rejection, have gotten really bad lately. It's like the terrible two's waited til now, til almost 4 years of age, to put us to the test. We're having to tweak how we've handled this stuff over the past two years because it seems to not be real effective lately. I feel a little like we are floundering. It'll probably work itself out in time, but for the moment it's a little distressing.

Pics from some outside play this weekend:





In this last shot, my loves are having a "tea party" atop the swing set. Earlier today I watched Noah play airplane, doctor, trains and picnic with Anna. I love, love, love watching his imagination in motion. And I love watching Anna start to play along.

This past week I laughed til I cried at something Josh did. Noah told me to stop laughing at his daddy and through my amused tears I told him I couldn't. Noah then told me I should go to time-out. It was amusing to realize why he thought that was a solution. We send him to time-out on a regular basis until he can stop crying for whatever silly thing is at hand, so he must have thought I needed that intervention as well. :)