Exhale

Well. We just went through our second whirlwind day in the world of foster/adoptive care. Except today this whirlwind blew itself out.

Say Hello to Brandon - a sweet-natured, even-tempered, bright-eyed, imaginative, playful little boy.


And then say Goodbye - because that's about all we did, too.

A time line -

Yesterday:
Got the call about prospective placement at 11:00ish.
Decided by 1:00 to accept the placement.
All afternoon/night, we made calls, purchases, prayer requests, and plans.

Today:
All morning, we busted bootie to rearrange, set up, prep.
We left Noah and Anna with a new sitter at 1:00.
We met with Brandon's step mom at Agape at 2:00.
We left Agape with Brandon and garbage bags of his stuff at 3:00.
We got home with Brandon at 4:00.
We played outside for awhile and came in for dinner at 5:00.
We were called back at 6:00. Stepmom changed her mind.
We gave Brandon back at 7:00.
At 7:30, stare blankly at the wall and wonder what just happened. Try to process.

And, well - That's that. It is what it is. I won't go into retelling all the emotions and details of a day like this, yesterday, too, for that matter. It has left us winded on a couple levels and I think I'll just leave it at that. Given the nature of how this came about and fell apart, it might very well all change again by the time I would finish getting it all out anyway.

We feel ok. We feel exhausted - emotionally, physically. We feel a little jerked around, but we don't feel surprised. We walked into this foster-to-adopt case knowing it had risks. Josh feels a little disappointed. I feel a little like we just had a very close call. I feel unsure if I should feel guilty, relieved, upset, anything. We feel confused about how to understand what the Lord meant for us in this boy's situation. We are sad for him to return to the chaotic shamble that is his home situation, but we also respect the rightness of a child's best situation being with his family. If nothing else, we have an afternoon of pictures with a sweet little boy and we know him and his family by name and we can pray, pray, pray for them. Indeed, we will.


As a result of our brief custody of Brandon, we do feel a renewed perspective on the life we have with Noah and Anna. And as we process what just happened, we will continue to focus our hearts on pursuing the girl we hope (once again) will be at the end of this road for our family.

I think, I THINK, though, that we'll take a week off to regroup and get back to the business of adoption after Noah's birthday next weekend.