Playing Around with Portrait

I have had this new phone for monthssssss and only just now have I finally played around with the improved camera options.  Yesterday, I enjoyed the Portrait feature.  Look who was pretty as a picture for church ...

 

 

 

 

 

Writing Samples

Anna knocked this Letter to Congress assignment out of the ballpark if you ask me.  Her job was to convince them to reinstate TN's statehood (after an imaginary nationwide bookkeeping error has occured) ;). 

 

 

And then Noah took on a little book project all on his own and it's blessing my heart to see him go at it.  Reading and writing are something he never does unless he has to because I have assigned it.  ;) I think he was inspired after a couple Minecraft graphic novels he has particularly enjoyed.  Glad for that!  He hired Anna as his illustrator and they continue to add new chapters to it ...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Few Weeks' Worth of Words

Gosh I just finished a couple great books!  Almost all these words came from them. Faves in bold.

esurient - hungry or greedy
pluperfect - more than perfect
effete - affected, overrefined, and ineffectual
discomfit - make someone feel uneasy or embarrassed
declaim - utter or deliver words in a speech in a rhetorical or impassioned way
invidious - likely to arouse or incur resentment or anger in others; unjust
equipage - (archaic) - the equipment for a particular purpose
ablution - the act of washing oneself, often for humorously formal effect
freshet - the flood of a river from heavy rain or melted snow
swivet - a fluster or panic
blunderbuss - an action or way of doing something regarded as lacking in subtlety and precision
parlous - full of danger or uncertainty; precarious
friable - easily crumbled
macadam - roadway or pavement especially with bituminous binder
strafe - attack repeatedly with bombs or machine-gun fire from low-lying aircraft
bonhomie - cheerful friendliness; geniality
inure - accustom someone to something, especially something unpleasant
solecism - a breach of good manners; a piece of incorrect behavior
gainsay - deny or contradict; speak against or oppose
evince - reveal the presence of (a quality or feeling); be evidence of, indicate
idyll - an extremely happy, peaceful, or picturesque episode or scene
dolor - a state of great sorrow or distress
disapprobation - strong disapproval, typically on moral grounds
extirpate - root out and destroy completely
equanimity - mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation
importune -  ask (someone) pressingly and persistently for or to do something
asperity - harshness of tone or manner
traduce - speak badly of or tell lies about (someone) so as to damage their reputation
celerity - swiftness of movement
disabuse - persuade (someone) that an idea or belief is mistaken
dispirit - cause (someone) to lose enthusiasm or hope
mollycoddle- treat (someone) very indulgently or protectively

Stylin'

A whole lotta twists in a whole lotta triangle parts (I used the previous style with triangle parts and just divided them into two triangles each again).  This time I didn't band them at the base, but started out with a braid to make it hold tighter and then shifted them into twists shortly after.  The curly q's at the ends have my heart.  All day.  Especially the one that fell across the side of her forehead.

Easter Sunday style

Super simple, quick 'do.

First ever twist-out!  Even if it IS just the back portion.  Used the same parts from the previous style. This 'do even got some feedback on a Natural Hair page I follow.  Lady commented on how moisturized it was and asked what products we use on her hair.  ME!! Whoa.

Trying the puff cuff again and it held so much better this time.  Gel helped. Headband also helped!  Phew!  I think I will skip buying a mini cuff after all and just let her grow into this small one. 👍🏻

 

That face.  Gosh, she is beautiful.

Support System

I gotta be honest ... walking this foster care road ... and then wandering through custody ... and then waiting out court stuff and its delays has been HARD and heavy and isolating.  I do not begrudge those parts of this as they were the refining fires through which the Lord worked me over for the better.  But those parts of this reality (the hard and the heavy and the isolating) made these precious ones I am about to name all the more dear to my heart as I languished in the wait, especially in the intensity here in April as the months and weeks dwindled down into mere days and hours.  My sister, Emily, and my friend, Rebecca Brogdon, ... those warriors were with me down to the living MINUTES in court as it was going on. HA!

The Lord allowed this experience to really wear down parts of me that He wanted gone and then He used His Word and His people to build me back up with their care and counsel and prayer and support and presence. These people were such a bolstering encouragement and support system, I wanted to name them here so I never forget the kindness and faithfulness of these friends.  I mean it ... my phone would ping all the night before, in the wee early morning, on the way to court that morning, all throughout court, and all afternoon after court with reminders from them that they were praying and loving us and knowing the Lord was over it all either way and that they were dyinggggg to know what happened.  Those little phone pings kept me standing that day ... reminded me we weren't alone!  The Lord had this and was kind enough to allow us to feeeeeeeeel the support through these dear friends. And it just. meant. so much.

After court let out (and I got the kids and got back home and caught my breath), when I finally got my bearings about me and was able to respond to everyone who had reached out that day and week along the way, I counted 25+ specific blessings and I made a specific point to text them each individually to share the wonderful news. And then, of course, my phone blew up again with all the more pings from each one celebrating with us, crying with us, praising the Lord with us!  Gosh, there aren't words for how good it was - to have been carried by them when we felt weak and to celebrate with them when the time came.  Humbled.  Moved.  So Utterly Grateful. I can't get over the Lord's grace in our lives.

Thank you, Lord, for this support system of prayer peeps - Emily, Rebecca Brogdon, John and Carol, Cathy, Rebecca Bowles, Suzanne, Jill, Kim, Emmie, Adrian, Gloria, Katy, Ashley, LeeAnn, Nena, Rachel, Kymberlee, Nicky, Elizabeth, Tonya, Kasey, Amy Brown, Amy Smith, Meghan, Susan and so many more from our Redeemer family and our fellow post-Jonah's Journey Support Group.  It is sort of killing me to not post all the kind words they sent that just washed over us in goodness before and after.  I seriously thought about it though!! We bloggers can get carried away.  HA!

Court Reporting Finally

I kinda thought I would have more collected summarial thoughts about court by now, a week out, but I find I don't!  And I am still just so humbled and thrilled to be past it and through it with a successful TPR that I struggle to want to even take my brain back there and detail all the intensity of the build up.  So, I think will let myself off the recording hook and just bask in the freedom we now feel and simply do a quick list of the important stuff recounting that day. 

• Sleep was elusive the day before (the day after too!).  I got maybe 4 hours of sleep. I was also hoarse from a serious cold that I am sure came on from the anxiety I felt starting that weekend before.  I simply got up and got in the Word to preach to myself and be encouraged.  And I was!  So amazing what the Lord spoke to me one last time before the sun came up. 
• Going into the day, we were sitting on a solid 4 mos since Angelique had seen Lasa.  She had cancelled her second to last visit she set up and then no showed for her visit the weekend just before court.  That no-show absolutely floored me.  I still shake my head at that. 
• The day of court I experienced anxiety that I have never felt before.  I was prayed up, this whole thing was prayed up, we knew we knew we knew the outcome was in the Lord's hands and it brought me peace to leave it there. BUT.  my body?  It registered some anxiety all on its own.  Intense is the best word I have for the moment finally arriving, the day, the actual court experience.  INTENSE.  Stomach all quivery, blood pressure high, bowels all emptied, could not eat a bite for breakfast, and my mouth went so dry I was gagging on the way into the courthouse.  I made quick runs to the bathroom to shovel sink water into my mouth but it helped not at all. Such a bizarre thing! 
• Josh was there an hour early, I was there a few mins late after dropping off the kids at their respective places that day - standardized testing for Noah and Anna, friend for Lasa - and crawling my way through traffic that I literally spoke out loud to the Lord about.  Needed him to part the waters!!  My slight few mins lateness was no matter though because court was running behind anyway.  Angelique did not come til almost half an hour or more late and by then we all thought she was going to be a no show.  So it was interesting that she did show.
• After talking with her new atty (did I tell you she fired her first atty?) for a few minutes before going into court, she opted NOT to contest the 2 grounds for TPR that Lisa had filed (abandonment and nonsupport). That meant we did not have to go through all that documentation and proving those grounds for the judge.  Wow!  For a moment I thought that meant she was voluntarily relinquishing rights after all -  as I had hoped and prayed.  But no, she was still going to stubbornly contest the Best Interest part of the filing.  This made no sense, but that actually makes sense when I consider who we are talking about. And it was fine. So we continued on and were called to order with Judge Calloway.
• Josh and I had to step out of the room while Angelique testified and a DCS worker also testified.  DCS worker, you say?  Yes, DCS worker.  Because, as we came to find out, Angelique's new baby (born in December and kept such a secret from us all this time) is an open DCS case.  She was born drug-exposed (just like Lasa) and only released from the hospital in Angelique's husband's custody apparently.  Stipulations include that she cannot be alone with the baby - to the extent that she can't even be in the home at night because Rodney would be asleep and she would therefore be unsupervised.  Wow!  All this right here makes me so sick and so angry and so stunned and ... so much more sure that TPR for Lasa will likely be granted.  Had our December court date not been continued to now, none of this would have happened yet ... so follow that through in your mind to how the Lord allows the delays and not just some haphazard happenings. Wow.
• Josh is called in to testify first and I have to still wait in the hallway, texting a number of people back who were kindly blowing up my phone. It was a welcome comfort and distraction! Still my mouth was wildly dry.  Gum helped a little. A tiny bit.  Josh testified for awhile!  Then they called me in to testify and said they had covered all the history with him so my testimony would be brief.  That turned out to be blessedly merciful because I was too wired to speak well anyway.  They asked me if we intended to adopt Lasa given the chance (I said Yes, yes, yes), asked me to describe a typical day in Lasa's life (I totally blanked out and did not give as good of detail as I would have had I been blogging it - I am so aggravated at myself for not being more well-spoken on the spot), asked if I loved her at which point my voice cracked as I answered in the affirmative and said I did, with all that I have. After our testimonies, Josh and I were allowed to remain in the courtroom.  That's when we learned the parts about the new baby, Lebella. We heard Angelique testify again and were able to discuss with Lisa, during a break, the points in which Angelique lied flat out.  Lisa called Josh up for a rebuttal and he refuted the two main points that she had not spoken truth about. Honestly? Everything she said sounded like a lie, but they were not points on which we could speak factually.  I just prayed and left all that to the Lord and to this judge he had appointed to our case.
• The judge was a delightful surprise. I had not expected such a friendly demeanor, I don't know why.  I guess because Lisa had originally told us this judge does not grant TPRs easy and that race might be an issue for her being willing to terminate Angelique's connection to Lasa.  As it happened, she was calm and clear and did not seem to waffle on this case at all.   The court reporter was adorable - she and I had talked much before court while we waited.  The bailiff - it was neat to watch him work.  The attorneys were surprisingly casual during breaks, carrying on conversation with us and each other like we were hanging out elsewhere.  It was awkward though, in that Angelique just sat there staring forward and away from us. She only made eye contact with me once the entire time.  Right before court.  It was weird and stiff.
• The judge said she needed ten minutes and that she could have a decision for us that day.  I was so glad!  Judges can sometimes request more testimony or more time to consider.  We have friends for whom this went into almost a month deliberation.  Nope - 10 minutes.  I asked Lisa if that was a good sign. She believed so.  
• And sure enough, it was.  After more like 15 mins, she came in with a law book open and tabbed.  She went over some 9 different points relating to TPR considerations and for the sake of the court reporter restated basically EVERYTHING that had been filed and established and proved and evident according to those 9 points.  And in every point, where she tried to give Angelique credit for some positive change or effort made, she answered those with like 3-4 more but, but, buts that outweighed those things.  By the time she got to the end of the list, I was about coming out of my skin, kept grabbing Josh's leg, just dying to hear the official words saying she would grant TPR.  Indeed, she did get there.  And, like that, court was adjourned.  
• Angelique turned, unemotional, and as she walked out the door, without looking at us (which I get) said, "That's for Lasa," while pointing to a bag of stuff she had brought.  It was a sad pile of holiday odds and ends from Christmas and Easter and other randomness.  Basically, stuff she would have given her herself had she come to any visits at all this year.  It was just sad.
• The whole thing ... was just embarrassing for Angelique.  Which I feel bad about! She tried to get annoyed at the atty during her testimony and did not want to answer certain questions, claimed she didn't know for other questions, I can only guess because she didn't want us to hear?  But she was required to answer anyway.  It was awkward. The full accounting by the judge at the end ... was also just embarrassing for Angelique.  I hate she made us all go through this.  All those facts, the fact that she has continued in her drug use, WHILE PREGNANT AGAIN, and currently cannot even be alone with the baby, and she still insisted on her day in court.  I just don't understand her thinking. 
• Other shocker that day was finding out she showed up believing this trial was about custody?? Which is was not.  That was just one more example of how checked out she has been, how entirely absent she has been, how in order this TPR was.  It was absurd, her poor atty having to actually try to prove that it would be in Lasa's best interest to be returned to Angelique.  Oh, good Lord.  Absolute refusal to see reality.  
• Dazed.  I drove home dazed in amazement and humility and relief and gladness and this new and wonderful freedom and hope.  All that's left is to wait out an appeal period and then we can move to adopt pretty swiftly.  We just can't believe it.  I go back and reread my first ever blog posts about Lasa and I just can't believe how differently this all went than we thought it would go when we accepted her placement.
• Wow.  Just wow.  It is wonderful to our eyes to have seen what the Lord allowed to unfold.  I don't think I will ever be able to thank Him enough.  As many times as I begged and prayed and fasted and reasoned with the Lord over these past couple years, is how long I will fall all over myself to thank Him for His favor in this case finally.  It has been so growing for me.  So faith-building. So stretching.  So humbling.  So amazing.  So INTENSE. His Word came true to me over and over and over again.  So quietly and yet so powerfully.  So faithful to Himself!! Amen.  I have added here the most recent but also long-standing Lasa-related specific scriptures that He used to encourage and reassure my heart these past years ... to remind me that He knows best and He is present and He takes care of His children. That He is the bossssssssss.  What a sustaining gift is His Word to us!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok, fine.  That wasn't a quick list after all.  And also, I included in those Scriptures a page from a book and a chunk of a Puritan prayer from Valley of Vision.  But c'mon ... He IS infinitely wise and cannot do amiss, as I am in danger of doing.  I rejoice to think that all things are at His disposal and it DOES delight me to leave them there. Amen!  I pat myself on the back for not posting every single song lyric that spoke all the good words to me in this season too.  😉

Odds and Ends from April

"Wook, Mommy!  I dwaw oppapus!"  (and indeed she did - first actual discernable drawing!)

So happy to help Daddy make cookies. Or pancakes.
Or cinnamon rolls.  Anything!

Infectious pus that continues to come out of Lasa's ear every day or two.  We are officially finding a new ENT.  Have an appt next month.  So frustrating to be two+ surgeries and so many medicines in and to have no answers still about what's wrong!  Also consulting an allergist to see if he can provide any help as to why, oh why, her ears are always screwed up. 

When cousins came to town to see bunnies and make videos.

Loving cool spring days.

Bringing back toddler playdates!  This one was with Rebecca and her littlest, Amelia.

 

Movie projected on Noah's wall one night at the end of a VERY hard day with Angelique a fews days before court. Just the escape from real life that we needed.

Another toddler playdate with Nena and her littlest, Ayden.

Big kids at play, too! This after Nerf and bunnies and Legos and scooters and such.

School friends at Anchored Enrichment.  We just wrapped up our last year there and are trying a new place in the fall.

 

 

 

 

Always, puddle play.

Dress up - was there ever a doctor as cute?  Nope.

Farmer Brown hoping we've seen the last frost.  Setting up his plants all over the yard. Along the house and along the side fences.

 

This chickie set us up an outdoor meal for grilling out.  It was wonderful!

Noah's first time at his new summer job - mowing the lawn. Did you know Fiskars makes lawn mowers???

And what would a post full of Brown odds and ends be without a bunny or three? ;)