In Answer to my Weariness

This was the verse featured in my Bible app today.  Thank you, Lord! 

These were from last week...

 

And earlier this month...

Amen!  Gets my head back in gear for better waiting and truer hope than my own way!

Meanwhile, Back in Lasa's Ears

We are back at this game again.  Lasa's ears.  Double ear infection.  The fun part is that her ears are actually doing something they have NEVER done before.  DRAINING! The following pics were just the start.

 

So after a week of her messing with her ears off and on, yesterday she actually said the words to spell it out for me that her ears hurt ("Eeya hut me." and later, "Data (doctor), eeya."). So I took her to the pediatrician, but - bless it - he couldn't see anything up in there because they are so full of fluid, crust, pus, blood, and wax.  Seriously.  Why, God, why?!  And also, this child must have a reallllllly high threshold for pain?!  She doesn't carry on about it too much ... just tenses up and says for me to be gentle every time I touch them or apply the drops or try to clean up the drainage around the opening.

So we are soldiering on with two different antibiotics with a side of dropping dairy products cold turkey to see if that is at all triggering her mucus build up and also applying some essential oils topically around her ear/neck just for good measure that a sweet friend from church passed to me just today. I have asked the Lord to give us breakthrough with her ears and I kinda think the actual river of nastiness that is still flowing out her ears after 24 hours is that very breakthrough ... the dr yesterday said it's a good indication that her tubes are still in place and are doing their job.  That is encouraging after her regular dr couldn't even see them in there two weeks after surgery, which was unnerving. We saw a different dr than usual at the pediatrician office yesterday just because I wanted fresh eyes and a third (yes, third!) opinion after our ENT and regular pediatrician. 

We consulted the ENT today to see if he would ok the oral antibiotic (which he previously told us not to use) and he ok'd it along with the ear drops and is having us come in once they have done the job and she is clear again.  Also, that dear dr I saw yesterday got up in the middle of our talk saying he was feeling generous and came back and gave me a whole bottle of the ear drops Lasa needs which was such a surprise and blessing and big savings. He said he had the one bottle and didn't know why he had kept it but that he felt like we should have it. Bless him. When I said, "Thank you, Lord," to myself, he agreed and said the Lord meant it for us.  It was an encouragement for sure.  I for sure went into that visit all jumpy and exasperated and fearful.  We are still paying off her last surgery ... I was already twitching in anxiety envisioning more expense coming our way!  I know the drops are for Lasa's ears, but they also came as a sweet salve to my nerves.

And Lasa, who screamed and resisted all over the place the last two times drs have tried to simply look - just look - in her ears, miraculously didn't freak out at all with this new dr yesterday.  He got good long looks into her ears without resistance.  She tensed up and got alert, but she sat still and didn't fuss.  SUCH a blessing.  I had tried to remind her all morning how she needed to be calm and still and peaceful for the dr and that the dr would be gennnnntle, gentle.  I didn't know how much of that she was understanding though.  I told him I had come in there bracing myself for her screaming and crying.  He laughed and said he comes to work every day braced for screaming and crying.  HA! 

Anyway, I thanked the Lord for her peace at a drs. appt for a change.  And I thank him for the nasty drainage. And I am thankful for hope ... that the tubes were not a total waste of money!

Pleading

Y'all, as time drags on in our foster-turned-custody-turned-hopeful TPR-to-adopt timeline, I find my prayer life has become a steady drivel of hopeful petition and pleading to the Lord.  I hope I am not wearing Him out/annoying Him with my repetition.  Ha!  I grow increasingly desperate for some closure/finality.  Specifically, I beg for closure that favors our wishes of course, but honestly, as desperate as I feel, closure at all (yes, even if NOT in our favor) will be welcome.  THAT is how desperate I am for all this time passing and waiting to be over.  And even just articulating that specifically here in text makes my eyes water up.  That is how tired I am emotionally. That is just how tired I am of this inbetween stage of our legal situation with Lasa ... with our family.

And I know it's just my selfish flesh that feels weak.  Because in my spirit, the Spirit always reassures me that what He orders is/will be best ... so if he orders more years of waiting, I can trust that it's for some form of best.  If he orders that the judge will turn down our TPR petition, I know I will trust that it's for some form of best.  And if he orders that Lasa be allowed to be adopted into our family, that would be my favorite form of His best, as far as my limited perspective and selfish desires can perceive on their own to be best.  So, yes, guilty - my personal best best preference continues to plead, plead, plead with the Lord for the end of all this waiting and for favor so we can adopt.

And I feel it even more keenly (so like, even more desperate than desperate, if that's a thing) when I have to sit by in this relentless waiting and pleading with the Lord and endure how little effort Angelique puts into Lasa, how little priority she puts into her two visit opportunities a month, how little care she seems to have in between visits, how absent her support and presence in Lasa's life is.  I gripe about this this morning just because we are fresh off another weekend where she didn't make any effort to see Lasa when she knew it was her weekend to see Lasa.  For the second visit weekend in a row,  she passed on seeing the child for which she so obstinately retains parental rights to and opted to shoot us a lazy three word text at the end of the day simply asking how the baby is.  Yes, she is so lazy and indifferent, she will often just call her "the baby."

Gosh, y'all, the seeming injustice of having our family on hold for her lazy a-- for 2+ years now with no legal end in sure sight ... it's just heavy on me.  Josh, conversely, is totally chill and unbothered about all this.  I can't tell you for sure if that helps me or not.  HA!  No, It helps.  It does.  It reminds me that the important things have already been accomplished ... that being that Lasa is already safely court-ordered to be a permanent fixture in our family.  I get that.  I really, really do see that and grasp that and praise the Lord for his work in that.

And I admit, I know!, it really is my selfishness that still cries out for more ... for finality and formality of her becoming an actual, literal, legal member of our family.  BUT I DON'T THINK THAT'S SUCH A BAD THING TO SELFISHLY WANT.

Anyway, I just had a few minutes this morning and wanted to unload my silly mental status in the wait.  There it is!  Please, Lord, please continue to do YOUR thing in Lasa's and Angelique's lives, but also, please, Lord, please let it be the thing I am praying for.  HA!!

All that to say, please, Lord, please, forgive my selfishness and my weakness and faithlessness.  I know I am a babbling wimpy baby sometimes in this.  I really do trust You, Lord. I trust what you are doing with me in the wait and what you are doing that I can't see or feel.  I believe Your will in this is best.  Help my unbelief!

Anna's Cut

Anna has been diligently growing out her hair for almost 2 years now so she could do more styles with it.  And MOSTLY she takes good care of it.  Here over the last month or so she has lagged in that dept and her hair seems to stay knotted and tangled and stringy all the time.  I could take it no longer and she was in agreement - it was time to take the crazy down a notch.  Haircut it was!  She was tickled to get her hair washed at a salon, which she has never done before. 

 

HUGE improvement.  She loves it.  She says sthe likes how soft the ends are now. Ha!  Next up - me!  It's been a couple years since my last cut, too.  Planning to try out a new place once all three kids are back in their Thursday programs at the same time.

TOTAL Eclipse

What a fantastic treat to be in the path of totality for today's solar eclipse!  It was just as amazing as we all had anticipated it would be.  I got chills when we got to take the eclipse glasses off and just stare at that ring of fire with the naked eye during the couple minutes of totality.  It was just ... amazing.  What fun to share it with friends and my babies.  Could only have been improved if Josh would have been with us. 

It was dang hot, so a pool and water slide were excellent ideas for passing the time from partial to total eclipse.

I had to HOVER over Lasa to keep glasses on her when looking up. She found the whole thing sort of confusing and ended up rejecting the glasses.  Them being so dark for everything but the sun just frustrated her.  Scared her a little, too, when everyone got all excited and loud. :}

Watching the solar bands via their shadows on the sheets.  So neat!

You can see how the lighting had shifted.  It was so bizarre and so cool!

Totality - look!  Cheers and exclamations went up all around.  So fantastic to take in.

360* of sunset around us during those two minutes of totality.
 

Pic I borrowed that someone else got there today.  I didn't even attempt to make my phone try this.  This, by the way, freaked Lasa out a little bit.  After it was all over, however, she kept saying "Mo nie" which we think meant "More night."

I love how Anna was hugging Lasa through the experience. - there in the bottom right of this pic.  She was so impressed with this whole thing, she asked me to assign them a journal entry to write about it afterwards.  😂

What an amazing gift is this Creation with all its systems and events and cycles. What a gift is this experience this side of Heaven.  All the praise hands to you, Lord! You are so impressive.

As well, getting a solid selfie in glasses that pretty much blackout ev-er-y-thing is ALSO an experience.  HA!

All I Have is Christ

Tears on Kimmie's face.  Every time we get to the chorus of this song.  Sometimes I can't even squeak out the words and I just have to stand there and take in the rest of our church family singing it all around me (which by the way sounds so amazing in our new building!).  I love this song.  Also, I just so much love our church family and our leadership.   (fave lines in bold)

All I Have is Christ
by Sovereign Grace Music



I once was lost in darkest night
Yet thought I knew the way
The sin that promised joy and life
Had led me to the grave
I had no hope that You would own
A rebel to Your will
And if You had not loved me first
I would refuse You still

But as I ran my hell-bound race
Indifferent to the cost
You looked upon my helpless state
And led me to the cross
And I beheld God’s love displayed
You suffered in my place
You bore the wrath reserved for me
Now all I know is grace

CHORUS
Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me
Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose
And let my song forever be
My only boast is You

First Day of School 2017/2018

We drug our feet about officially starting school after a summer of squeezing in school hours here and there and throughout anyway.  Last week we eased in with some half day stuff.  

 

Here in mid-August, I am STILL not in the mood to commit to it being time to go full on into school days, but I let Lasa's PDO start dates push me into getting starting, too.  Fine.  Whatevs.  

Gosh, those are some good-looking kids, though, right?  And, wow, getting this pic was sooooo much easier than I thought it would be having to get toddler to participate.  She rocked it! 

 

 

She rocked it right onto into her classroom, too. I was so proud.  Toddlers were weeping and wailing as their parents passed them over the gate into the classroom.  They were having to be held by the teachers.  My Lasa?  She walked right up and could not get in fast enough.  She didn't even look back.  It was awesome.  My toddler rocks. 

Usually, we do first-day-of-school doughnuts, but every year there is that peanut risk and we are plain tired of second guessing this treat.  So my kiddos voted for breakfast milkshakes at CFA and I was happy to oblige.  Noah even downed his first ever pill - a feat which has vexed him so before now.  Swallowing pills whole is no joke, y'all!  (for anyone who's curious - it was a Lactaid pill ... thereby allowing him to have said milkshake)

I adored a slow easy breakfast with these two without a toddler.  Does that make me a bad toddler-mom?  I don't think it does.  But it might.  And I am ok with that.  Toddlerhood, too, will pass and I will be back on top of my game.  Ha!  In the meantime, Lasa is attending two PDO programs for a total of 3 days a week from 9-2.  She laughed in the face of their nap schedule there, btw.  My 3:00 napper was NOT having an 11:45 nap. No way. Lucky for us (and them), she was sweet otherwise.  These fun things came home from school with her.

Oh yeah - the big kids and I had an AWESOME first day back at it.  We eased through so much stuff and THOROUGHLY enjoyed not having any fussing interruptions at alllllll.  It was glorious.

Love these two kiddos.  Love these days homeschooling with them ... even when I wanna pretend it's still summer. 

Field Trip: Crocket Days

We got a jump start on this year's field trips on Friday and Saturday.  Friday we attended a Back to School Bash at Jumpstreet with a new field trip group and Saturday we drove a couple hours west to meet up with my sister and check out the Crockett Days festivities at Davy Crockett State Park.  It was such a great time and complemented our last year's history work so perfectly.  Warmed us up for this year's as well, if I am being honest!  

 

This dog is half wolf - no neat!

 

 

Anna and all her cousins built this rock wall in the stream by the park's museum. Anna's second in less than week!  

Learning to make dolls out of corn husks.

 

 

Watching a gristmill demonstration, which the kids got to help out with at the end.  They participated in sifting the cornmeal.

 

 

Then we took a hike that did not lead where we thought it would.  It did however take us up a mountain twice, thereby kicking my butt and helping give me twice my day's step goal.  HA!

 

 

 A reallllly big spider being hauled away by a smaller bug. We were fascinated!

 

Then it was time to play at the little falls area.

 

 

And of course we had to hit the playground before heading out.  

Group shot!  Jack is missing from view, but technically is in there.  He hid behind Josh, no longer in the mood for pics. HA!

 

It was such a great destination that we chatted about returning for a weekend cabin trip soon!  The cool air was a wonderful bonus the entire time, too. 

And we all still have the Davy Crockett theme song stuck in our heads...